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Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics
01. Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo (early ’50s recording)
02. Merry F**king Christmas
03. O Holy Night
04. Dead, Dead, Dead
05. Carol of the Bells
06. The Lonely Jew on Christmas
07. I Saw Three Ships
08. It Happened in Sun Valley
09. O Tannenbaum
10. Christmas Time in Hell
11. What the Hell Child Is This?
12. Santa Claus Is on His Way
13. Swiss Colony Beef Log
14. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
15. Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel
16. The Most Offensive Song Ever
17. We Three Kings
18. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends won't let me join in any games
And I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph
'Cause there's something wrong with me
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity

I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
On Christmas

Hanukkah is nice but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year?
And instead of eating ham, I have to eat kosher latkes
Instead of "Silent Night", I'm singing "Hoo Hact Toh Gaveesh"
And what the fuck is up
With lighting all these fucking candles, tell me, please?

I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
I can't be merry
'Cause I'm Hebrew
On Christmas

Hey little boy, I couldn't help but hear
You're feeling left out of Christmas cheer
And I've come to say that you shouldn't be sad
This is the one month that you should be glad

'Cause it's nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don't have to deal with the season at all
You don't have to be on your best behavior or give to charity
You don't have to have to go to grandma's house
With your alcoholic family
And I don't have to sit on some fake Santa's lap
And have him breathe his stinky breath on me

That's right, you're a Jew
A styling Jew
It's a good time to be Hebrew
On Christmas
On Christmas