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Dr. Demento Presents: The Greatest Novelty Records of All Time
Disc 1
01. The Okeh Laughing Record
02. Hooray for Captain Spaulding
03. Inka Dinka Doo
04. Minnie the Moocher
05. I'm Popeye the Sailor Man
06. Three Little Fishies
07. I Like Bananas (Because They Have No Bones)
08. Cocktails for Two
09. Too Fat Polka
10. I'm My Own Grandpaw
11. Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! (That Cigarette)
12. Shaving Cream
13. The Freckle Song
14. Pico and Sepulveda
Disc 2
01. The Purple People Eater
02. Transfusion
03. Flying Saucer
04. The Battle of Kookamonga
05. Stranded in the Jungle
06. The Mummy
07. Russian Bandstand
08. The Thing
09. Masochism Tango
10. Little Blue Riding Hood
11. Sunday Driving
12. One of These Days
13. The Dinghy Song
14. Eloise
Disc 3
01. Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour (On the Bedpost Overnight)
02. Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
03. Martian Hop
04. Alley-Oop
05. Gitarzan
06. Surfin’ Bird
07. Hello Mudduh, Hello Fadduh!
08. Monster Mash
09. Mr. Custer
10. They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!
11. The Eggplant That Ate Chicago
12. Bounce Your Boobies
13. Tip-Toe Thru’ the Tulips With Me
14. So Long, Mom (A Song for World War III)
Disc 4
01. Short People
02. Junk Food Junkie
03. My Bologna
04. Fish Heads
05. Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out
06. The Cockroach That Ate Cincinnati
07. Pencil Neck Geek
08. Time Warp
09. King Tut
10. Earache My Eye
11. My Dead Dog Rover
12. Dead Skunk
13. Dead Puppies
Disc 5
01. Eat It
02. Fast Food
03. The Curly Shuffle
04. Bedrock Rap-Meet the Flintstones
05. The Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun
06. Rock ’n’ Roll Doctor
07. Rappin' Rodney
08. Marvin I Love You
09. The Scotsman
10. Another One Rides the Bus
11. Take Off
12. Existential Blues
Disc 6
01. All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
02. The Twelve Days of Christmas
03. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
04. Santa and the Satellite
05. A Christmas Carol
06. Green Christmas
07. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
08. I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas
09. Nuttin’ for Christmas
10. Wreck the Halls With Boughs of Holly
11. I'm a Christmas Tree
12. Santa Claus and His Old Lady
While I was walkin' down the beach
One bright and sunny day
I saw a great big wooden box
A-floatin' in the bay
I pulled it in and opened it up
And much to my surprise
Oh, I discovered a...
Right before my eyes
Oh, I discovered a...
Right before my eyes

I picked it up and ran to town
As happy as a king
I took it to a guy I knew
Who'd buy most anything
But this is what he hollered at me
As I walked in his shop
"Oh, get out of here with that...
Before I call a cop"
"Oh, get out of here with that...
Before I call a cop"

I turned around and got right out
A-runnin' for my life
And then I took it home with me
To give it to my wife
But this is what she hollered at me
As I walked in the door
"Oh, get out of here with that...
And don't come back no more"
"Oh, get out of here with that...
And don't come back no more"

[Instrumental Interlude]

I wandered all around the town
Until I chanced to meet
A hobo who was lookin' for
A handout on the street
He said he'd take most any old thing
He was a desperate man
But when I showed him the...
He turned around and ran
Oh, when I showed him the...
He turned around and ran

I wandered on for many years
A victim of my fate
Until one day I came upon
St Peter at the gate
And when I tried to take it inside
He told me where to go
Get out of here with that...
And take it down below
Oh, get out of here with that...
And take it down below

The moral of this story is
If you're out on the beach
And you should see a great big box
And it's within your reach
Don't ever stop and open it up
That's my advice to you
'Cause you'll never get rid of the...
No matter what you do
Oh, you'll never get rid of the...
No matter what you do