Terrors From The Clit (2000)

DVD Cover (Extreme Associates)
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Overall Rating 65%
Overall Rating
Ranked #12,382
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Gals Doing Ghouls! For those who like their erotica a bit on the supernatural side, TERRORS FROM THE CLIT brings you sexy and steamy porn gals screwing and doing hung and horny ghoul studs! See Carnal Cuties Copulate with Crazy Corpses in a Cornucopia of Cooze! --Adult Film Database
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Review by Chad
Added: January 5, 2008
I love horror movies - that much is a given for anyone who has even glanced at the front page of this site. I also love bizarre porn, another fact which probably hasn't escaped too many people based on some of my reviewing choices. So, it should come as no surprise that I love movies that try to mix these two genres together, and tonight's film attempted to do just that. Sadly, it just didn't do a very good job with it.

Some of you may know director Rob Black as the guy who started XPW, the little wrestling company that attempted (and failed) to compete with ECW. Some of you may have heard about his numerous run-ins with the law on various obscenity laws thanks to the over-the-top releases of his Extreme Associates company, and with titles like Slap Happy and Extreme Teen, I don't think that I even need to explain this one. Hell, you might even remember Lizzy Borden as being "that wrestling chick" who graced the cover and centerfold section of countless magazines, but even if none of this rings a bell, the title of this one should clue you in to exactly what you're going to get out of the running time.

Terrors from the Clit presents us with five stories for our viewing entertainment, and each story is basically an excuse to show off a porno scene. I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow description of the actual sex scenes, so let's just say that each one includes the normal "fuck and suck" action one would expect from a porno in addition to a little bit of the kinky stuff thrown in for good measure: double penetration, rimjobs, slapping, and other things of that nature are in ample supply. So, with that out of the way, let's take a look at the stories themselves, shall we? Presented by a guy dressed in drag who calls himself the Clit Master (Dukey Flyswatter), tonight's collection of the macabre (well, the perverted, at least) looks a little something like this:

Porno Flick From Hell
A pair of groovy young hippies decide to make a little love, and while they're doing so, a demon shows up and starts ridiculing the guy for his substandard performance. After the hippie guy has finished, the demon melts his dick and then has his way with the woman (Elle DeVyne). Demonic cum-shots, anyone?

Night of the Living Head
Parodying the opening scene of a certain classic zombie flick, two lovers head out to the graveyard to pay their respects to the dearly departed. They decide to get freaky in said graveyard, but before the lady (Kelly Dean) can even remove her top, a zombie shows up and kills her man before chasing her into a deserted house. There, two zombies "pop up" out of nowhere, we have ourselves a zombie gangbang, and I'll never hear the traditional zombie moan the same way again.

Vampire Lustness
Two women (Lizzy Borden and Erica Lockett) show up to perform at a bachelor party, but what they find is that the two men that they've been hired to entertain are actually vampires. Lizzy pulls a gun and attempts to kill one of them, but as we all know, bullets are useless against these bloodsuckers. Two-on-two action ensues.

Sexy Stitches
Two women (Porsha and Intrusion) working at a doctor's office start to get a little curious about what their boss - Dr. Freakstein - is doing behind closed doors, so they decide to do a little investigating when he leaves for lunch. What they find is that he's creating a monster from the various parts of cadavers, so like any fine, upstanding ladies would do in this situation, they immediately dive right in to a little lesbian action. The monster eventually rises to the occasion, and guess where it goes from there?

One for the Road
A pair of black guys rob a bank, and while driving their getaway car down the back roads of the deserted countryside, they come across a young hitchhiker (Nikki Love). They pick her up and we've eventually got ourselves a little interracial threesome action, but when they decide to kill her in order to cover their tracks, things turn nasty. Actually, the woman just shows up and gives a mean face for the camera, but hey, I've got to make it sound interesting, right?

As you can probably tell, strong storylines weren't the selling point of this release, and to say that I expected such would be a lie. However, I did expect a little more than what I got from this one, as it basically turned out to be just another porno flick with monster masks and b-movie props thrown in to make it interesting. Therein lies the biggest problem: those of us who pick this up for some "what the fuck" moments are going to be disappointed as there's really nothing exciting here, but those of you who just want to jerk off in front of the tube probably aren't going to get much mileage out of this either (unless you have a monster mask fetish). It's too much of a porn to be entertaining, but at the same time, it's too campy to get you off.

There were a few bright spots, however. Dukey Flyswatter, the guy who played the Clit Master, was entertaining as hell, and his pre-segment sketches were exactly what one would expect from a porno version of the Cryptkeeper. Just try not to laugh when, after giving a nubile young lady oral sex, he pulls away and finds a mousetrap attached to his tongue... because, you know, "pussy's are always trying to catch mice." I also enjoyed the stop-motion animation found in the first entry. They certainly don't compete with the work of Ray Harryhausen, mind you, but they were actually quite good given the obviously low budget nature of the production.

However, other than that, Terrors from the Clit doesn't have much going for it unless you absolutely have to see a zombie gangbang or a threesome involving Frankenstein's monster. Horror fans may think that it sounds interesting enough to check out (trust me, I now know this from experience), but believe me when I say that it's really not worth it. 3/10.
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