Halloween: XXX Porn Parody (2011)

DVD Cover (Smash Pictures)
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Connections: Halloween

It was on Halloween night that a young Michael Myers inexplicably slaughtered his slutty older sister. Fifteen later, he escapes a mental hospital and returns home. Spotting a scholarly looking teenager, Laurie, the deranged psychopath Michael lusts after her and stalks her. Finding her trampy friends engaging in carnal acts with their boyfriends on Halloween eve, just as his sister did years ago, sets Michael off. While her friends are off engaging in sex acts and getting killed, the responsible Laurie is at home babysitting. Unable to reach her friends by phone, Laurie becomes suspicious and walks across the street to Annie's darkened house and comes face to face with Michael Myers himself. --Adult DVD Empire
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Review by Chad
Added: October 31, 2011
It's Halloween once again, and you know what that means: Halloween porn! Well, to be honest, I sort of waited until the last minute to find a Halloween movie to cover for this year, and this was the best that I could come up with on short notice. Now, as long-time viewers of the site may know, I've covered my fair share of porn parodies over the years. I sort of know what to expect from them: a comical and loose adaptation of the original film, with a couple of nods to key scenes and a bunch of fucking. I'm fine with that. What I didn't expect was a near-remake of the classic Halloween (with a bunch of fucking), and I certainly didn't expect it to be good.

So, if you've already seen Halloween (and who hasn't?), you know the storyline here as it's the same film. However, for those who haven't, it kicks off with a demented little kid witnessing his older sister (Raven Alexis) have sex with her boyfriend on Halloween night. This sends him into a murderous rage, and thus, he grabs a Halloween mask and a butcher knife, and then proceeds to hack her to pieces. He is locked up in a mental institution under the care of Dr. Loomis (Marcus London), and there he sits for the next fifteen years.

Moving ahead to the present time, Loomis has been assigned to transport Michael to another facility, and along the way, he decides to have a little quickie with a nurse (Britney Amber). This minor lapse in judgment allows Michael to escape, and what do you know: he heads straight for his home town of Haddonfield. He quickly sets his sights on young Laurie (Lily Labeau) and her friends Annie (Andy San Dimas) and Lynda (Lexi Belle), and... well, it's a porn remake of a slasher. The "porn" part means that all of these girls have sex scenes, and the "slasher" part means that sex equals death. You figure out where it goes from there. Oh, and in case you're wondering? Yes, Michael Myers has a sex scene.

Now, I pointed out the abundance of sex scenes, and this being a porno and all, that should come as no surprise. Yes, there are five lengthy sex scenes (six if you count a short solo scene), but this is a two-hour movie. This leaves us with almost an hour of actual, honest-to-goodness storytelling, and this is where the surprises came in: this portion of the movie was actually pretty good. Granted, it's not going to rival Carpenter's original movie and the acting is nowhere near as good (these are porn starlets, after all), but for a porno version of a slasher flick, it exceeded my expectations.

Halloween XXX is an almost scene-by-scene remake of the original movie, and all of the classic scenes are shown here. For the most part, it's all done in a serious fashion: there is no tongue-in-cheek humor, there is no parodying in the traditional sense of the word, and there are no laughs. In the original movie, Michael saw his sister having sex and killed her. In this version, Michael saw his sister having (a ten-minute) sex (scene), and then he killed her. This is how most of the movie plays out, and as a Halloween fan, it was surprisingly enjoyable.

As for the little details of the movie, let's see. There are five sex scenes, and though I'm not going to give you a blow-by-blow recap of them (there are other sites for that), they all follow the traditional formula of "guy eats girl, girl sucks guy, guy fucks girl, guy busts on girl's face / stomach." It's nothing terribly exciting, but if you picked this up solely for the porno side of things, it's sufficient. There is a fair amount of gore, about the same amount as the original movie, and even though it is by no means a gruesome bloodbath, it was more than acceptable. The acting, given the nature of the film, was pretty damned good. Now, I'm not saying that Lily Labeau or any of the other porn girls have a shot at Hollywood dramas based on their performances here, but given that this was a porn remake of a slasher flick (two genres that are not known for strong acting), they played their parts as well as one could hope for. Thumbs up all around.

Overall, fans of porn remakes should check this one out as it is easily one of the better ones that I have seen. It's faithful to the original film, it brings the goods in terms of key sequences and story rehashing, and the porn starlets fill the roles shockingly well. Even fans of the original Halloween who can deal with a little adult material might want to give it a shot, as it's a pretty enjoyable retelling of the film. 8/10.

Happy Halloween!
benloveshorror #1: benloveshorror - added November 2, 2011 at 2:21pm
I really liked this as well, and I loved that there was a lot of pussy-eating. 9/10
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