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Stupid Teenagers Must Die! (2006)

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Overall Rating 34%
Overall Rating
Ranked #8,395
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It's the 1980's and a group of typical horror movie high school kids are getting together to hold a séance in a haunted house. Naturally, people start dying preposterously bloody deaths, girls are getting naked for no apparent reason and people walk into pitch black rooms and say things like "Is someone in here?" Will any of these poor, hapless kids survive? Or will their bodies fill the house with blood and...well, you know! --IMDb
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Review by Chad
Added: October 2, 2007
You know, pointing out the low budget nature of a film in a tagline (even in jest) is a bit of a cop-out; after all, when it comes time to discuss the film, this little statement makes it easy for the filmmakers to say something along the lines of "it was supposed to be like that!" or "we didn't really care about that sort of thing." Now, I can appreciate the honesty of a filmmaker who will go so far as to basically say "our movie is crap" on their promotional materials (which is - sadly - what the general public equates with low budget films), but I still feel that this is a cop-out. Why? Well, quite simply, I've seen some amazing things done with extremely low budgets, and in this day and age of modern technology and affordable equipment, there's simply no excuse for even mentioning budgets. Sure, there's a huge difference between Jurassic Park and the latest direct-to-video offering, but again, there are filmmakers out there who are doing things with just a couple thousand dollars that comes damned close to measuring up to the latest Hollywood offerings. So, when I see something like this, I usually get the impression that the filmmakers were simply trying to cover up their own lack of talent by blaming it on budgetary concerns. I've been wrong before, but in this case, I do believe that I can safely say that I was correct.

Stupid Teenagers Must Die is a send-up of the slasher films of the eighties, and the storyline found here manages to combine most of the clichés from said films into one semi-cohesive film. It's all here: the séances, the Ouija boards, the shower scenes, the lesbians, the jock, the geek, the bimbo, the ghostly possessions, and of course, the lone black guy (Jovan Meredith). Basically, the storyline for this one revolves around a group of friends getting together in the house of a deceased serial killer known as Murder McGee in an attempt to contact his spirit, bad shit starts happening, and the stupid teenagers start dropping like flies. That's about all there is to be found here in terms of plot, but given the nature of the film (and considering that slashers were never very plot-intensive anyway), one really can't complain about this too much.

What one can complain about is... well, just about everything else. Before I begin, let me just say that I fully understand what the filmmakers were going for here: a slasher film done in a sarcastic fashion that would draw more laughs than scares. I understand that, I know the clichés, and I get that it was supposed to be set in the eighties (nice Thriller jacket, by the way). The problem is that, quite simply, the film doesn't succeed in much of anything that it attempts. Sure, I giggled a couple of times (all of the credit for that goes to Jovan Meredith, a guy who definitely has some talent), but other than that, I simply didn't find very many redeeming qualities throughout the running time.

The main problem is that, in my humble opinion, the filmmakers lost sight of the fact that they were creating a parody, and in turn, this led to them basically creating a slasher film from the eighties minus the things that made those movies so appealing in the first place: massive body counts, T&A, and a neat villain for the heroes to contend with. Yes, there are a few kills here, and yes, we do get to see a couple pairs of tits, but the balance between horror and comedy is just downright awful. It's never even remotely scary, but at the same time, it's simply not funny either save for a couple of one-liners by the aforementioned Meredith. Oh, and speaking of those kills... come on. That's all I'm going to say about them.

I really didn't want to bash the film quite as much as I did, but I simply couldn't find too many good things to say about it. What I will say is that there was some surprisingly good cinematography here (aside from a few scenes with lighting issues) and a handful of damned fine shots (I particularly enjoyed a couple of the "possessed" visuals towards the end), and the cast was made up of people who were better than what one would expect from a film of this caliber. I'll even freely admit that there are a handful of overwhelmingly positive reviews for this film floating around out there, but while I love both cheesy slasher flicks and parodies, this one just didn't click with me whatsoever. 3/10.
S34N #1: S34N - added March 15, 2009 at 12:36am
Only thing good about this movie was its title.
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