ThanksKilling (2009)

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Overall Rating 52%
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Ranked #4,900
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Connections: ThanksKilling

While on their way home for Thanksgiving break, five college kids run "afowl" of a homicidal turkey that wants them dead. As the cursed bird hunts them down one by one, the survivors scramble to find a way to defeat the possessed creature. Will the bloodthirsty turkey make this their last Thanksgiving feast ever? --Amazon
Review by Chad
Added: November 23, 2009
As a horror fan, I enjoy being able to pick up a good horror flick to celebrate whichever holiday happens to be approaching, and thankfully, there's a handful of said flicks available for almost every holiday imaginable. Christmas means breaking out the Silent Night, Deadly Night series or even Jack Frost, the "minor" holidays all have a movie or two to celebrate with (April Fool's Day, anyone?), and Halloween has... well, I think that it's safe to say that we all know a few good Halloween movies. Thanksgiving, however, has always suffered from a lack of movies to kick back with after a good meal for those of us sane folk who take a pass on watching grown men pat each other on the ass while tossing a ball back and forth. Enter ThanksKilling, an eighties-throwback film that promised to fill that void... and what do you know, it succeeded.

The film begins during the sixteenth century on the eve of the very first Thanksgiving, where we promptly meet a topless pilgrim (Wanda Lust, star of such classics as Cock Smoking Grannies and Bust a Nut 6). I'm not kidding, folks: the first frame of the movie delivers a close-up of nipple, so we're already off to a good start. Anyway, it would appear that our busty porn star of a heroine is in a bit of a predicament, and it doesn't take long before we figure out that she is being chased by a jive-talking killer turkey with an ax. You see, the Indians didn't take too kindly to the white men disrespecting their land and their culture, so one of the local shamans pulled some shenanigans with the necronomicon and a turkey that basically spells out doom for any white folk who come in contact with said turkey. Our feathered friend eventually catches up with the topless woman, exclaims that she "has some nice titties", and proceeds to chop her body into pieces.

We then jump to the present day, where five college kids - Johnny (Lance Predmore) the jock, the wise-cracking hick Billy (Aaron Ringhiser-Carlson), nerdy Darren (Ryan E. Francis), good girl Kristen (Lindsey Anderson), and the slutty Ali (Natasha Cordova) - are heading home to spend some time with their families for Thanksgiving break. Unfortunately for them, their jeep breaks down in the middle of nowhere, forcing them to set up camp in the woods for the night. Before you can say "gobble gobble, motherfucker!", the turkey has their scent and is hell-bent on killing them off in the most gruesome ways imaginable.

Luckily, these kids get their vehicle working before any of them lose their lives, but their luck will be short-lived as it just so happens that another motorist mistakes the turkey for a prostitute, picks "her" up, and soon receives a shotgun blast to the face. The turkey steals the car and follows the kids to their hometown, and from there... well, it's a horror movie, you figure it out. People die, blood flows, the turkey cracks some jokes, and yes, the slutty girl gets "stuffed", if you know what I mean (and I think you do).

So, here's the deal: after reading that synopsis, do you think that this sounds like the dumbest movie ever made? If so, you can go ahead and stop reading now as you will hate this movie. If, on the other hand, you think that it sounds like your cup of tea, you should waste no time in picking up a copy. It's a completely absurd premise and the characters are dumber than dirt, but I'll be damned if I didn't have a grin on my face from start to finish. I think that I shed a little tear when I saw the promise of a sequel that would be set in space, and I pray that it's here this time next year.

The absurdity of the entire situation is what makes things so entertaining. I mean, yeah, there's the whole thing about a killer turkey, and while that in and of itself is pretty out there, that's not even the beginning of the level of silliness that this film hits. Where did he hide all of those weapons? He lives in a fucking teepee? How can everyone be so oblivious to the fact that he is a talking turkey when he's wearing a mask made of his last victim's face? Then, just when you think that they can't top themselves, they pull out something else that outshines the things that you have just seen, things which I dare not spoil. As a huge fan of eighties horror, I thought that it was awesome how the filmmakers worked every horror cliché in the book into their film, proving how absurd some of them really were.

If it sounds like I'm gushing about the film, that is because I honestly loved everything about it. The story is silly enough to work, the humor is spot-on, the observations about eighties horror hit the mark perfectly, and even though the film was shot on a budget of just a couple thousand dollars, it certainly doesn't seem like it. The film is professionally shot and doesn't have that indie "look" that most low-budget flicks have, the sound editing is flawless, and even the acting abilities from the cast exceeded my expectations. That's not to say that Hollywood will be in a rush to call them up to the big leagues, but in a movie like this, they went above and beyond.

I think it should go without saying by this point, but I'm definitely going to give this one a glowing recommendation for fans of campy, Troma-style goofiness. It's funny, it's gory, it's crude, and above all else, it's as entertaining as it gets. 10/10 if you think that Poultrygeist is a modern day classic, 0/10 if you want a spine-tingling "legit" horror release. Personally, I'm going with the former.
Crispy #1: Crispy - added 11/24/2009, 05:56 AM
Damn, this is going right to the top of the queue.
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