Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus The Undead (2007)

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Overall Rating 43%
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A psycho scientist sent in to inoculate the luscious young student bodies against a new virus makes a little error in judgment, resulting in a not-so-little flesh-eating zombie problem. Now, with most of the school and all of the teachers running amuck, eating each other, having rabid sex and juggling, it's up to Aki and her new found allies on the Girls Swim Team to take care of business. --TMDb
Review by Chad
Added: February 12, 2009
Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead is one of those rare movies whose title completely fooled me. When I heard about it a few months back, I figured that I knew exactly how it was going to play out: we'd have a handful of high school girls in speedos battling it out with a horde of zombies, complete with gallons of blood and plenty of skin. That's what the title promises, that's what I was expecting, and I thought that's all that I was going to get. Damn, was I ever wrong. We do get all of the above (some elements more than others), but we also get one hell of a bizarre flick that will leave viewers wondering what in the hell they just sat through.

So, as I was saying, the storyline revolves around a group of schoolgirls in speedos - the local high school swim team, to be precise. Led by the bubbly Sayaka (Yuria Hidaka), these girls are all set to enter some sort of swimming competition in just two days, but there's a little problem: there's a dangerous virus going around that causes the infected to become deathly ill. In fact, one girl had to drop out of the team due to her condition, but thankfully for the team, a somewhat-creepy exchange student - Aki (Sasa Handa) - seems to be willing to take her place. Fears are relieved, however, when the state doctors show up at the school with vaccinations for everyone, and thus, the show will go on as planned. Well, it would have, but the vaccination had some sort of problem with it, and thus, all of the students who got the shot have been transformed into flesh-hungry zombies.

Wait a sec... not quite "all" of the students are zombies. You see, the swim team naturally spends a lot of time in the pool, and it seems as though the chlorine in the water is the antidote to this new strain of virus, and thus, we have the aforementioned girls in speedos all set to do battle with a horde of zombies. Oh, throw in a backstory on one of the girls (she's a "water terrorist" is all that I will say), toss in a bit of seemingly-incestuous lesbian sex, add a dash of pussy-charming flutes that puts those Indians with cobras to shame, and sprinkle lightly with swimming gear that has been transformed into weapons of mass destruction: congratulations, you've now got a group of swimmers who don't need to hit the bong to score major points with their viewing audience.

I tried to avoid spoilers, but one thing I do want to point out is that this film isn't much of a zombie flick. I know, it seems rather bizarre reading this sentence after I just spelled out the storyline, but it's true: the zombie infection occurs, we get a couple of zombie attacks, the girls dispatch a few of them, and then it moves on to a completely separate type of plot. That is the part that I didn't want to spoil, but I will say that even though the new storyline arc gets a few points due to the sheer absurdity of what transpires, I was more than a little disappointed in the final product.

I'm treading carefully here, but it turns out that one of the girls had a rather strange upbringing and may or may not be connected to one of the other girls on the team. This is revealed after a ten-minute sex scene between the two ladies that never quite reaches "hardcore", but does come rather close. Oh, and wouldn't you know it: just as soon as she spills the beans on her past, a figure from her childhood shows up to take everything in an entirely different direction, and at this point, the zombies all but disappear from the film.

Now, I expected a zombie splatterfest, but I didn't look at this change in a "No zombies, no good" sort of way - if they had took the film in a different yet interesting direction, I would have had no problems with it. Sadly, the twist is pretty pitiful, and the last half of the movie hinges on us getting interested in it. That never happens save for the few brief moments where we get some rather "unique" plot devices: the aforementioned pussy-charmer for one, and a vagina that shoots lasers as another. Still, these few things do little to elevate the film above the average mark.

One thing that did bug me was the overreliance on T&A and softcore sex scenes. I naturally expected to see some of that T&A given the title, plot, and DVD cover, but the filmmakers went overboard to say the very least. Revealing swimsuits? Check. A couple of shower scenes? Check two. Those are to be expected, but then we get that lesbian sex scene that wears out its welcome before it's even halfway over, and if that wasn't enough, we also get a couple more sex scenes for good measure. Some of you will no doubt enjoy this, but personally, I came to see a horror flick: if I wanted softcore, I know where to go for that.

On the positive side, there is some damned fine moments of gore. In one scene, a zombified teacher wielding a pair of metal yardsticks discusses a math problem using apples and bananas as an example, and he then proceeds to show off some "physical" examples of these fruits... only, what he has in his hands isn't exactly fruit. Another scene makes good use of a chainsaw, and there are a handful of other scenes where the blood flows freely. Unfortunately, these scenes are few and far between, and though gorehounds will enjoy the few scenes that are delivered, they will certainly walk away wanting more.

Overall, I can't say that Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead is a bad movie, but it is a disappointing release. Viewers who have ever sat through one of the classics in the zombie genre and thought "You know, this would be great if there was more softcore sex and less zombie action" will probably enjoy this one more than I did, but everyone else will merely get a few smiles throughout the running time and not much else. Since half the movie was pretty good, I think that a 5/10 seems about right.
Tristan #1: Tristan - added 02/12/2009, 11:07 PM
8/10 from me. You're just a picky bitch.
Sarcastos #2: Sarcastos - added 02/13/2009, 12:56 AM
Agreed, this movie had rocked my world and i was begging for more. 9/10
Greg Follender #3: Greg Follender - added 02/13/2009, 01:14 PM
"over reliance on T&A and softcore sex scenes"..?

Hmmm... I guess that I was unaware that there was such a thing...

Still, I understand your sentiments.
And now I'm even more eager to sit through this nutty flick soon;)

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