|
01.
|
Football Results
|
|
02.
|
Nursery School
|
|
03.
|
Pass That Peace Pipe
|
|
04.
|
Meet Fred MacMurray
|
|
05.
|
Brave Elevator Operator
|
|
06.
|
Going to the Broadcast
|
|
07.
|
The Best of the Worst Of… (excerpt)
|
|
08.
|
Get It Right Corporal!
|
|
09.
|
Marriage and Girlfriends
|
|
10.
|
Max Is Now a Swimming Instructor but Is Never Out of His Depth
|
|
11.
|
More About Courting & Married Life
|
|
12.
|
Cupid on Valentine’s Day
|
|
13.
|
Is There No End to His Cleverness?
|
|
14.
|
Bill Cosby Goes to a Football Game
|
|
15.
|
The ‘Had It Tough’, Poor, Contest
|
|
16.
|
Opening a Jail
|
|
17.
|
Komodo Dragon, Gabe Preston #1
|
|
18.
|
A Letter From Bill (The Rag Trade)
|
|
19.
|
Jack Benny Competes
|
|
20.
|
Bad Reviews
|
|
21.
|
He Now Recites
|
|
22.
|
Drats
|
|
23.
|
Lovely Lunch
|
|
24.
|
Happy Anniversary Eddie
|
|
25.
|
Jerry’s System for Dating Girls
|
|
26.
|
Women in Paris
|
|
27.
|
Ravelli in Court
|
|
28.
|
Ton Up Boy
|
|
29.
|
What It Was, Was Football
|
|
30.
|
The Sunshine Boys
|
|
31.
|
Financial Expert
|
|
32.
|
Porn Shop
|
|
33.
|
Telling a Good Story
|
|
34.
|
Shirley’s Girlfriend “Picnic”
|
|
35.
|
Little Blue Riding Hood
|
|
36.
|
The Ups and Downs of Brenda Scuttlebutt, Girl Yo‐Yo
|
|
37.
|
The Cheeky Chappie Picks from the White Book & The Blue Book
|
|
38.
|
Harpo Marx Ace Reporter
|
|
39.
|
Morgan on Wagner
|
|
40.
|
Max Gives Jean Some Chocolates
|
|
41.
|
Jack and Groucho Play Checkers
|
|
42.
|
Pre Show Jitters
|
|
43.
|
One Leg Too Few
|
|
44.
|
Impressions
|
|
45.
|
The Cheeky Chappie Tells a Few More
|
|
46.
|
The Morning After the Night Before
|
|
47.
|
Albert Evacuated
|
|
48.
|
Heine’s and Moe’s
|
|
49.
|
The Astronaut
|
|
50.
|
Danovitch Kayoff
|
|
51.
|
Charles Laughton as Santa
|
|
52.
|
What It Was, Was Football
|
|
53.
|
The Fleabo Company
|
|
54.
|
Me an’ Old Charlie
|
|
55.
|
Radio Quiz
|
|
56.
|
The Funniest Woman in the World
|
|
57.
|
The Society Wedding Stakes
|
|
58.
|
Some Enchanted Evening
|
|
59.
|
The Cheekie Chappie Tells One
|
|
60.
|
At the Hungry I (excerpt)
|
|
61.
|
Civil Defense (No Talking)
|
|
62.
|
The Great Train Robbery
|
|
63.
|
Sam and Henry at the Dentist’s
|
|
64.
|
Hope in Russia (excerpt)
|
|
65.
|
Take a Pew
|
|
66.
|
Lies, Lies, and More Lies
|
|
67.
|
Valentines Day at Duffy’s Tavern
|
|
68.
|
The Royal Box
|
|
69.
|
The Beauty Parlor
|
|
70.
|
Telephone Call
|
|
71.
|
The Voice and Philosophy of W.C. Fields
|
|
72.
|
A Hillbilly Baseball Story
|
|
73.
|
A Date After the Show
|
|
74.
|
Dr. Kronkite and His Only Living Patient
|
|
75.
|
Writer of Children’s Books
|
|
76.
|
The Temperance Lecture
|
|
77.
|
All Good Things Come to an End
|
|
78.
|
The Cheeky Chappie Goes on Picking ’em
|
|
79.
|
Cohen at the Telephone
|
|
80.
|
Who’s on First
|
|
81.
|
Max Tells of His First Arp Experience
|
|
82.
|
Ad Nauseum (That Was the Week That Was)
|
|
83.
|
Over the Gate
|
|
84.
|
Point of View / Ku Klux Klan
|
|
85.
|
Harpo’s Girl Problem
|
|
86.
|
Get a Horse / Lost
|
|
87.
|
Old Girls’ School Reunion
|
|
88.
|
Women Take Over
|
|
89.
|
A Tour of 20th Century Fox
|
|
90.
|
Selling Jolson Anything
|
|
91.
|
Chico Plays on Bob’s Show
|
|
92.
|
An Assortment of Yarns: Morris of Arabia / Matzo Ball Soup / Cohen, Goldberg and Lipshitz / The Friendly Bench
|
|
93.
|
Jean Carr Asks Some Questions, but Max Knows All the Answers
|
|
94.
|
The Horse Show
|
|
95.
|
Uncle Josh in a Barber Shop
|
|
96.
|
Two Black Crows, Part 1
|
|
97.
|
Have You Ever Seen Betty Grable?
|
|
98.
|
The Diet
|
|
99.
|
The Cool World
|
|
100.
|
Stop Press
|
|
Who's On First? by Abbott And Costello
Abbott: How do youhow do you like my lawn club for St. Lou?
Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game!
Abbott: Well it should be.
Costello: Hey, Abbott
Abbott: What?
Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team.
Abbott: Why not?
Costello: So you the manager?
Abbott: Im the manager!
Costello: Well, you know, Id like to know some of the guys names on the team so when I meet em on the street or in the ballpark Ill be able to say, Hello, to those people.
Abbott: Why sure Ill introduce you to the boys. They give em funny names though, St. Lou.
Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names.
Abbott: Well, lets see, on the team we have uh Whos on first, Whats on second, I Dont Know is on third
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys names?
Abbott: I sure do.
Costello: Then tell me the guys names.
Abbott: I say, Whos on first, Whats on second, I Dont Knows on third and then you
Costello: You the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys names?
Abbott: Im telling you their names!
Costello: Well whos on first?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: What are you askin me for? Im askin you!
Abbott: Im not asking you, Im telling you.
Costello: You aint tellin me nothin. Im askin you, whos on first?
Abbott: Thats it!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: Thats his name.
Costello: Thats whose name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Thats the mans name!
Costello: Thats whose name?
Abbott: Yeah!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: What are you askin me for? Im askin you, whos on first?
Abbott: Thats it.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Thats it.
Costello: Whats the guys name on first?
Abbott: No, Whats on second.
Costello: Im not askin you whos on second!
Abbott: Whos on first.
Costello: Thats what Im askin you! Whos on first?
Abbott: Now wait a minute. Dontdont change the players.
Costello: Im not changin nobody! I asked you a simple question. Whats the guys name on first base?
Abbott: Whats the guys name on second base.
Costello: Im not askin you whos on second!
Abbott: Whos on first.
Costello: I dont know.
Abbott: Hes on third. Now were not talking about him.
Costello: Look, you got a first baseman?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Then tell me the fellas name playin first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin first.
Abbott: Thats his name.
Costello: WaitWhats the guys name on first base?
Abbott: What is the guys name on second base!
Costello: Whos playin second?
Abbott: Whos playin first.
Costello: I dont know.
Abbott: Hes on third base.
Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, dont you?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Does he give you a receipt?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: How does he sign the receipt?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that you give the money to.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: Thats how he signs it.
Costello: Thats how who signs it?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!? Abbott: Thats it.
Costello: Thats who?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesnt he have to sign the receipt?
Abbott: He does!
Costello: Well how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: Thats how he signs it!
Costello: You! YouYou just dont give money to someone without having em sign the receipt!
Abbott: No! Who signs it.
Costello: What are you askin me for?
Abbott: Now calm down. Im not asking you, I am telling you. The
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Whats the guys name that signs the receipt on first base?
Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt.
Costello: Who signs his own receipt?
Abbott: No, Who signs his.
Costello: Im askin you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper
Abbott: Yes, now wait
Costello: he puts his name on it.
Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it
Costello: How
Abbott: and what puts his name on it
Costello: How does the fellas name on first base look to you when he signs his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Thats how it does.
Costello: How does it look to you?
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who! Look
Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?
Abbott: Now thats how it looks. Who.
Costello: HHowWho?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: Im askin you. Whats the guys name on first base you give the money to?
Abbott: Who! After all, the mans entitled to it
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yeah, sure.
Costello: All Im tryin to find out is whats the guys name on first base
Abbott: What is on second base.
Costello: Im not askin you whos on second.
Abbott: Whos on first.
Costello: I dont know.
Abbott: Hes
Costello: Third base, I know.
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: You got a outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielders name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought Id ask you.
Abbott: Well I just thought Id tell you.
Costello: The left fielders name?
Abbott: Why!? Costello: HmmBecause!
Abbott: Oh, hes centerfield.
Costello: Oh
Abbott: Told you all these players got
Costello: All Im tryin to figure out is whats the guys name in leftfield.
Abbott: Now, Whats on second.
Costello: Im not askin you whos on second.
Abbott: Whos on first.
Costello: I dont know
Both: Third base.
Costello: You got a pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Wouldnt be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: Whats his name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You dont want to tell me today?
Abbott: Im telling you.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!? Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me whos pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not
Costello: Ill break your arm, you say whos on first! I want to know whats the pitchers name?
Abbott: Whats on second.
Costello: I dont know.
Both: Third base!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The catchers name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. You dont wanna tell me, todaytomorrowdo you?
Abbott: Im telling you.
Costello: So the catchers name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrows pitching.
Abbott: Now youve got it!
Costello: Now Ive got it
Abbott: Hey!
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team!
Abbott: Well I cant help that.
Costello: All right. You know now, Im a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate andand Tomorrows pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now thats the first thing youve said right.
Costello: I dont even know what Im talkin about!
Abbott: Well thatsThats all you have
Costello: Thats all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now whos got it?
Abbott: Naturally. Now youve got it.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get the ball! Now whos got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No, no, no, no
Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball andNat
Abbott: You throw the ball to first base.
Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No!
Costello: Naturally gets the ball andand
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Thats what Im saying!? Abbott: Youre not saying it
Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: No you dont!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Thats what Im saying!
Abbott: No it isnt.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get it.
Abbott: So Who gets it.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Thats it.
Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Same as you!
Abbott: Now listen
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!? Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: All right.
Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Dont Know. I Dont Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play.
Abbott: Could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Why? I dont know! Hes on third and I dont give a darn!
Abbott: Whatd you say?
Costello: I said, I dont give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, thats our shortstop!
|
|
