Now ladies and gentlemen
We don't normally do this but just because this is Saint Patrick's Day
This is our special Saint Patrick's Day program
And I even wear a green shirt and everything
We wanna try and work a little bit of
Well let's just say home grown irish flavor into this program
Now bring the band on down behind me boys
This is really quite technical
You understand that each ethnic group has characteristics
And these characteristics are generally made fun of by other ethnic groups
Now I happen to feel that the Irish people in this country have gotten a "bum rap"
To use a common expression
Many people feel that Irish people in America simply aren't sexy
Now in order to dispell the ethnic myth
That people of the Irish persuasion are not particulary sexy
We are going to make it possible for volunteers
From the audience tonight to demonstrate just how hot they are
Now what I would like to have...
I would like to have at least four girls
Who think they are Irish to come up here . . .
No, they have, no, no, no, they have to be volunteers
You have to volunteer for this, it can't be under duress
I, no, let me explain, this is very scientific, we need two more
Okay heh, you all think you're Irish, right? OK, ok
Now listen, quiet please, this is very very scientific
That's right, in order to prove that you are genuinely hot
We're going to give you, each and every one
An opportunity to make a sex noise with musical accompaniment
And so:
Make a sex noise!
Say
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Make a sex noise!
Now, I'm not sure that each and everyone of these contestants
Is truly Irish in the biblical sense of the word
But I think we have to give them credit
For coming up here and representing the Irish people in Binghamton tonight
Especially when you realize that that's about the only form of safe sex left in America
Hah hah hah!
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