Sharknado (2013)

DVD Cover (The Asylum Home Entertainment)
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Overall Rating 33%
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Ranked #2,359
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Connections: Sharknado

A freak hurricane hits Los Angeles, causing man-eating sharks to be scooped up in tornadoes and flooding the city with shark-infested seawater. Surfer and bar-owner Fin sets out with his friends Baz and Nova to rescue his estranged wife April and teenage daughter Claudia. --TMDb
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Review by Tired Tigress
Added: July 20, 2013
Hi there. I'm Melody. Mr. 385 has been trying to get me to write for this site for well over 5 years now, and what better way to start that off than with a review for the absolutely ridiculous.. Sharknado!

Where do I even begin with this movie.. Let me just say that I'm starting off with a few biases. I love gore and sharks. If a movie contains these two elements, regardless of how shitty it actually is, I'll probably wind up loving it. I first found out about Sharknado from a movie poster on some website towards the end of 2012. It seemed like some crazy pipedream to me at that point, but my eyes lit up as I secretly hoped that it would come to fruition. Fast forward to July 2013, and surprisingly, this trainwreck saw the light of day. I had pretty much forgotten about it until one of my movie soulmates asked me if I was going to watch the premiere of it the following day. That childlike glee reemerged and I immediately made sure to catch it.

The story is pretty minimal, but who really watches these types of movies for the stories? A seaside bar isn't doing so hot.. yadda yadda, a freak tornado pops up that sucks up sharks and flings them everywhere. More tornadoes and water spouts pop up all over the city and rain down shark fury on everything and everyone. I'm not even going to bother talking about the characters or plot much, because all of the characters were all one-dimensional and boring, and the plot was just.. ugh, a mess. This is exactly what we've come to expect from these movies, though. The plot and characters ultimately don't matter too much, as long as shit gets destroyed and people get eaten.

This movie is comprised of three key components; The tornadoes with their sharks, hilarious gore, and inconsistencies. I never expect these kinds of movies to be 100% factually accurate or feasible in real life, but is it too much to ask to keep your scenes consistent? Take the beginning of the movie for example. There's a pointless five minute intro subplot with fishermen and a businessman where things quickly go south as our toothy tornado shows up. The scene was shot using two completely different boats (for budget reasons) and it's painfully obvious. A shark lands on the boat and literally sucks down a guy. That's.. not how it works. Sharks don't come pre-installed with vacuum cleaners in their mouths. These inconsistencies are prevalent throughout the entire movie. It'll be stormy and rainy with ominous clouds in one frame, and then devoid of rain and sunny in the next, only to return to stormy in the following. There's a scene where the main character makes a daring school bus rescue from a bridge. From a top-down aerial view, the water is at a level where the bus is nearly completely submerged, but for every other camera angle, you can clearly tell that there is no water in sight. How does an explosive device effectively destroy a tornado? And how the fuck do tornadoes only suck up sharks and completely disregard all other sea life? You can't think too hard with this movie, since none of it is realistic in any way.

Asylum is notorious for horrendous CGI, and recycling the same CGI scenes over and over again, as if to try to trick the viewer into thinking that they are watching a new segment. To the average viewer, I'm sure it won't matter, but to those of us who know better and are a bit more perceptive, it matters, and it's fucking lazy. It's used here, but nowhere near as much as it was in earlier films like Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus and Shark Swarm. I would even go as far to say that Asylum has stepped up it's game in this department. Aside from watching CGI sharks get flung around and eat people, we're treated to a delightful scene where a ferris wheel takes a roll downtown. The gore was deliciously cheesy and satisfying. We're treated to numerous scenes with falling sharks flattening people, a Jaws reenactment with a propane tank, and even a few chainsaw scenes. Being an avid gorehound, I was satisfied with the amount of gore on display here, especially considering that this is a made for tv b-movie.

So.. did I love it? You're god damn right I did. Was it terrible? Absolutely, though in all honesty, this is one of the better movies to come from Asylum. That's definitely not saying much, since you know.. it's an Asylum movie, but it does it's job well, which is delivering a fun, mindless hour and a half in front of the television. As to whether or not YOU are going to love it, you'll need to take several factors into consideration. If you're looking for a thought provoking movie with a grand philosophical or social commentary message, you'd best look elsewhere, and let's face it, you're not looking for a movie that provides those things when you decided to read a review of a movie called Sharknado. If you're looking for a highly entertaining 90 minutes in front of the television full of things that make absolutely no sense, terrible acting, characters that undergo no believable growth or development, sharks flying everywhere, and amusing gore, then this movie is perfect for you. This movie gets a 6/10 from me, but don't let that fool you into thinking I didn't care for it much. This is one of the best worst movies I've seen.
Crispy #1: Crispy - added July 21, 2013 at 3:16pm
Its certainly worth noting that the driver of that school bus was played by Robbie Rist, who voiced Michelangelo in the ninja turtles trilogy. I really liked this. It didnt top Sharktopus, but it was a damned good one.
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