Retardead (2008)

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Overall Rating 37%
Overall Rating
Ranked #10,761
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Mad scientist Dr. Stern is turning students into super-smart cannibalistic zombies, and the local cops are too busy chasing a sex fiend to stop the flesh-eating ghouls. Fortunately, Stern's nemesis, FBI agent Susan Hannigan, is on the case. As the ravenous monsters overrun the town, Hannigan tries to convince Stern's faithful assistant to reveal how to foil the crazed doctor's evil scheme. --TMDb
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Review by Chad
Added: October 25, 2011
Retardead is the second film from the folks who brought you Monsturd. I could probably go ahead and stop typing now, and you'd already know whether or not you'd want to see this movie. Seriously: you're either a fan of absurd horror comedies like this and you relish the thought of seeing a bunch of retarded zombies, or you think it's complete and utter trash and clicked away before making it this far into the paragraph. That's fine. I will say that I personally enjoyed the hell out of Monsturd, and I was expecting more of the same from their follow-up film.

We once again return to Butte County, California, where we discover that Dr. Stern (Dan Burr) managed to escape after the whole shit-man fiasco found in Monsturd. No, the shit-man does not return for another outing, as Dr. Stern is now working on his newest project: a serum called Algernon-9 that will boost the average human's intelligence tenfold. Unfortunately, it has its side effects: namely, you'll be one of the smartest people on the planet for about a week or so, and then, you will turn into a flesh-craving zombie.

Dr. Stern decides to perform his experiments on the students at a local special education school, figuring that nobody would miss them terribly if they died and they wouldn't be able to snitch on him if his tests failed. Smart man. As you might expect, the "special" children of this school soon become super-smart, and as you might also expect, it doesn't take long before they are tearing people to pieces and spreading the virus throughout the town.

Meanwhile, deputies Rick (Rick Popko) and Dan (Dan West) have their hands full trying to track down the "Weenie Wagger" (Billy Borrelli), a chronic masturbator who gets off on... well, he got his name for a reason, let's just leave it at that. Will they be able to bust the Weenie Wagger in time to discover what else is going on in their quiet little town, or will it be too late? Will FBI agent Hannigan (Beth West) make it to the scene in time to be of any real help, or will she be too late as well? Will the retarded kid with the crayon up his nose rack up more kills than the one in the bicycle helmet, or will the girl with the thick glasses and awful teeth top them both? Watch and see!

If you read all of that and thought, "Damn, that sounds pretty funny", then go ahead and pick this one up: if the synopsis appealed to you, the product itself will live up to your expectations. If you thought it sounded dumb, well... yes, you're still going to think it was dumb when you hit the credits. Much like Monsturd, Retardead aims to please a certain kind of fan, and it accomplishes that. This is a movie for people who laugh at politically-incorrect situations, toilet humor, and absurd situations, while at the same time enjoying buckets of blood and gallons of gore. I am personally smack-dab in the middle of that demographic, but hey, your mileage may vary.

Speaking of gore, there is a lot of it once things get rolling. The movie takes a while to get into the zombie outbreak as it spends the first half of the running time setting things up and showing other humorous scenes, but once it gets there, it's a pretty grisly affair. Bodies are torn to pieces, guts are ripped out, faces are pulled off, shotguns and chainsaws are used, and it's just a gorehound's wet dream. The zombies themselves are nothing special, but the actual gore effects are damned nice and are sure to please.

One other thing that I have to give the film credit for is the introductions. Before we even get to the film proper, we're treated to a concession stand advertisement along with a couple of fake trailers, and if you enjoyed this sort of thing in Grindhouse, you'll love it here. The promoted films are just as goofy and just as enticing, and personally, I'm pulling for Frankenstein and the Bloody Beast of Ghastly Terror to actually get made - I mean, who wouldn't want to see a movie that has "scenes of pants-shitting terror"?

Overall, I'm giving Retardead a big thumbs up for fans of goofy humor and splatstick comedy. If you enjoy the style of humor presented here, you are guaranteed to get a lot of laughs out of the running time, and you'll definitely love watching the zombies and the humans tear each other to pieces. It isn't high art, but it's damned fun. 8/10.
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