Alabama Jones And The Busty Crusade (2005)

DVD Cover (WPOE Entertainment)
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Connections: Indiana Jones

Alabama Jones, Oklahoma Jones, and California Jones are three sexy adventurers who hunt ancient treasures for a museum curator. They manage to defeat the floating flaming skulls that had killed previous treasure hunters and take the idol of Punani. Their next assignment is to find a drunken tracker named "Jungle Bill" and convince him to lead them to the Golden Mango of Tantu. During their quest they encounter sexy jungle goddesses, gorillas, natives, a hunky jungle man, a giant scorpion, lost aviator Amelia Airhead, and others while pausing frequently to enjoy erotic delights. --IMDb
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Review by Chad
Added: May 20, 2008
The new Indiana Jones movie opens this week, and it's already become a hit-or-miss affair amongst viewers. Keep in mind that it's currently Tuesday morning, two days before it's even been screened for the general public (unless you went to Cannes, in which case, screw you). Some reviewers have called it the worst movie of the year, an abomination of a film that exists only to milk the franchise for a few more dollars, while other reviewers have claimed that it's just as good as the original trilogy and is easily one of the movies of the year. Today is not the day to debate this, however; today is the day that we're going to take a look at some of Indy's long-lost cousins and their quest to find the Golden Mango of Tantu.

Indeed, this particular film stars not one but three heroines for our viewing pleasure. Oklahoma Jones (Nikki Nova), Alabama Jones (Angela Little), and California Jones (Cheyenne Silver) have been assigned the unenviable task of trekking through the deepest jungles of Hawaii, and there, they must find the aforementioned Golden Mango of Tantu, an ancient relic that has the power to turn any woman into a sexual slave. Accompanying them on their adventure is a drunkard named Jungle Bill (William Williamson), and together, the foursome most battle giant scorpions, cannibal natives, flaming skulls, and an almost unnatural urge to get naked and make out with one another. A host of centerfold and adult film stars show up along the way to join in on the fun, including Aria Giovanni, Sunny Leone, Shyla, Taimie Hannum, Deanna Merryman, and Kelle Marie.

Obviously, this is another one of those erotic spoofs that we've come to love on this here site, and it comes to us courtesy of one of the bigger names in the world of softcore: Mr. Jim Wynorski, aka Harold Blueberry, aka Bob E. Brown, aka Thaddeus Wickwire, aka Tom Popatopolous, aka... well, the man has dozens of other aliases, let's just leave it at that. Now, as some of you may have noticed while reading my reviews for his other films, the quality of his work is wildly varied. Granted, all of his movies are basically the same (flimsy storylines which serve to string along scenes of beautiful women getting naked and making out for the camera), but this type of film isn't exactly something that he has a monopoly on - hell, the same could be said for the vast majority of the softcore genre in general. It's the way the scenes are presented and the way that the story is told that really makes or breaks one of these films, and thankfully, Alabama Jones was one of Wynorski's better releases.

Sure, it's nothing more than fifty minutes of softcore sex and twenty minutes of storyline. It's also true that the special effects are downright laughable, and yes, the acting is... well, let's just be nice and say that most of these ladies are known more for their work in the adult industry than for their work in film. Regardless of all that, Alabama Jones is a fun film for those of us who enjoying mixing together softcore porn and comedy. William Williamson is by far the best part of the film, as this man was downright hilarious in his role and had me laughing more than a couple of times. Hell, there were scenes where the actresses themselves were having to hold back the laughter when he went on one of his drunken tirades, so it should go without saying that those of us watching at home are in for a treat when he opens his mouth. To be fair to the ladies, some of them did have their moments, but again, this is not the film to pick up if you're wanting to see breakthrough performances from the women; they're there to take off their clothes and put a smile on the face of the men in the audience, and at that, they get a thumbs up.

As I also mentioned, the special effects are pretty bad in this film; however, I have to give the filmmakers credit for at least trying to do something like that in a film of this nature. It would have been easy to pull this type of movie off with nothing more than a bunch of sex scenes and a couple of jokes, but the action sequences - regardless of their visual faults - do help to keep the film moving along and prevents it from ever feeling too formulaic. Besides, I sort of have a soft spot for that giant scorpion, and really... were you expecting the latest Michael Bay "masterpiece" from a film like this? I didn't think so.

Overall, it's an entertaining film that fans of the softcore genre will enjoy. The women are hot, the comedy is actually funny, the spoof elements are handled perfectly, and the storyline is above average for a film like this. Really, who wants to see an eighty-year-old man in a fedora when you could have Nikki Nova instead? 8/10.
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