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25%
Overall Rating
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Ranked #8,091
...out of 16,699 movies
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Review by Tristan
Added: January 20, 2008
At this point in time, I'd have to say I've seen almost every cannibal film I've ever heard of. Aside from the odd new one being released occasionally, all we have are 20+ year old films that really aren't very good. The acting's bad, the story's bad, the special effects are bad, and for some reason I can't get enough of them. While browsing across a favourite torrent site, I came across the title Cannibal Terror which immediately called out to me. Why would a cannibal film fan not want to see something called Cannibal Terror? Well if there's anybody out there who has seen it, they will know exactly why.
Mario and Roberto (Gerard Lemaire & Burt Altman respectively) are a pair of bumbling of thieves who aren't having the best luck in their small town. If they don't think of a new way to earn some quick cash, they're going to end up starving to death, as neither of them are very good at the thieving business. After another disappointing score they decide to speak to their boss (Pamela Stanford) about getting out. Manuela has other plans however, as she's decided that kidnapping the daughter of a local car manufacturer would prove both simple and fruitful.
After the trio kidnap the little lady, they head off into the jungle to seek shelter from a friend of theirs. Their trek through the jungle is anything but uneventful however, as their guide warns them that this is cannibal country, and they should heed her warning of staying on the path. Seems like reasonable advice, but when was the last time cannibals cared whether you were walking on a path or a few hundred yards away from it. As soon as you step into their jungle, you're fair game as far as they're concerned. So the thieves-turned-kidnappers finally get to their hideout, but somehow word has gotten back to the parents of the kidnapped girl's whereabouts, and they have hopped on a plane to rescue their daughter from the heart of the cannibal's jungle.
You might find yourself saying, "this doesn't sound so bad" or "I've heard of worse". You probably have, but you will never see any worse. The cannibals in this movie are laughable with their ridiculous haircuts, 80's sideburns, and wristwatches. Yes, I said it. Some of the cannibals were wearing watches. You know, so they know what time it is. After awhile I started thinking that this might be one of those so-bad-it's-good kind of films, then the credits rolled and I realized it was just bad. Even the gore was poorly done, with the bodies being hacked up looked more like clothing stuffed with chicken breasts and pork chops than actual people. The acting - if you can call it acting - was unbearable. Not only did the actors themselves do a terrible job with body language, facial expressions and anything else an actor should worry about, but the voice-over actors were equally terrible. The expressions in the voices didn't match the current situation for most of the movie, and for some reason they threw in enough swearing to make Joe Pesci feel uncomfortable.
Some cannibal purists out there may decide that they still want to add this to their collection. If you take anything away from this review, it should be that if you do decide to see this, for God sakes do not buy it first. A rental or download, please. I'm as big a cannibal fan as they come, and even I won't suggest this movie. This is one movie I would be ashamed of having on my shelf. Cannibal Terror is to the cannibal film what Flesheater was to the zombie film; a disaster. I think it may actually be the worst movie I have ever seen. Considering how many movies I've watched that are just plain awful, Worst Movie Ever is quite the title. It is also the proud receiver of my first 0/10 which is a sad thing to have to dish out, as every movie should have at least one point of value. I suppose I've found one of the exceptions to the rule.
0/10.
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#1:
Nirrad
- added 01/20/2008, 08:37 PM
That cover alone makes it seem like shit. Almost
as bad as the cover for Silent Night, Deadly
Night. But that movie was bad ass.
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#2:
Tristan
- added 01/20/2008, 08:41 PM
The cover's from the UK. They always have awful,
misleading covers. If there's one thing the US can
do right, it's make a cover look really appealing.
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#3:
Nirrad
- added 01/20/2008, 08:45 PM
Where was Diary of the Dead made? That one is
sweet.
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