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Suicide is an interesting topic to me
Because it's an inherently interesting decision
To decide voluntarily not to exist anymore
It is profound, you know what it is?
It's the ultimate makeover
That's why I think it belongs on television
In this depraved culture we live in
With all these reality shows
Suicide and television will be a natural
I'll bet you could have an
All-suicide channel on cable TV
I'll bet you
Shit, they got all golf
What the fuck, huh?
God damn, jez!
You ever watch golf?
You ever watch golf?
It's like watching flies fuck
If you can get a bunch of brainless assholes
To sit still and waste a Sunday afternoon
On that kind of shit
You know you can get some people
To watch some suicides
All day long, 24 hours a day
Nothing but suicides
Must-die TV
You'd get a lot of people watching that shit
You'd get a lot of people volunteering
To be on there, too
Just so their friends can see them on TV
People are fucking goofy
You'd get a lot of volunteers
You'd get all them leftover assholes
From Let's Make a Deal
They'd be lined up around the block
Pushing each other out of the way
Pushing on funny caped
And caps and ham hats and makeup
And calling themselves Captain Suicide
Guys would be competing
For most unusual methods
People would be jumping off of silos
Lighting themselves on fire
Putting rat poison on a taco
Drinking, mopping clothes
Sticking mothballs up their ass
You'd probably have some weird fuck show up
Who figured out how to kill himself
With dental floss
And his stinger missile
People are fucking goofy
I bet you could find you a married couple
In this country?
Shit
I bet you
You could find a married couple
In one of them trailer parks or something
Who'd be perfectly willing to sit in a love seat
And blow each other's heads off with shotguns
While a love song is playing
People are fucking nuts
This country is full of nitwits and assholes
You ever notice that?
OK my goodness
Yeah, nitwits, assholes, fuck-ups, scumbags
Jerk-offs, and dipshits
And they all vote
They all vote
In fact, sometimes you get the impression
They're the only ones who vote
You can usually tell
Who's been doing the voting
By looking at the fucking election returns
Man, it sure ain't me out there
Wasting my time
With a meaningless activity like that
You know those people on the
Jerry Springer show?
Those are the average Americans
Oh, yeah, believe me
Below average can't get on the show
Can't get on
Below average are sitting home
Watching that shit on TV
Getting ready to go out and vote
Filling out their sample ballot
People are fucking dumb
You can say what you want
About this country and I love this place
I love the freedoms we used to have
I love it
I love that
I love it when it didn't take
A fucking catastrophe
To get us to care for one another
I love the fact that we're on camera
All the time From all angles
But you know what?
You can say what you want about America
And I say I love this place
I wouldn't have it any other way
I wouldn't live in any other time
In history in any other place
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