I'd like to read you a list of words that's gotten a little
Bit longer. It's an incomplete list of impolite words
I know it's incomplete because someone always comes up after
The show and says "Hey! You forgot Needledick the Bogfucker!"
We start out lightly with heck, hell, damn, goddamn, bitch, bastard
And crud and then we get right into crap, turd, shit, dingleberry
Piss, piddle, leak, mung, cheese, laying some cable, pinching a loaf
And dropping a load. Ass, booty, butt, hiney, tuckus, bum, buns
Rump, cheeks, tits, jugs, bazooms, knockers, knobs, lungs, balloons
Brown eyes, balls, nuts, onions, jewels, rocks, stones, ball-bag
Jism, cum, shoot, cream, wad, juice, pecker, tracks, pearl necklace
Crabs, dough, sift, clap, gleat, raincoat, scumbag, rubber, gasket
French tickler, dildo, here we go now: fuck, screw, lay, diddle
Push, plow, hump, cut, bang, poke, batter, wham, beef injection
Vitamin F, knock up, put out, dip your wick, hide the salami
Laying pipe, polishing your rocket, squatting on the hog, getting
Your pole varnished. A quickie, a nooner, a matinee, pop your
Cookies, bust your nuts, get your rocks off, bananas and cream
Piece of ass, nookie, poontang. Here we go again now: cunt, cooze
Cooch, crack, gash, notch, twatch, slash, ginch, hole, hat, slit
Snatch, quim, box, snapper, beaver, tail, pussy, muff, bearded clam
Fur-burger. Tuna taco. Bush, hair pie, wooly booger. Glory hole
A merkin, a mucket, button, clit, cherry, clamp, snapping pussy
Taint, boy in the boat, man in the canoe. Mutt-rag, on the rag
Flying the flag, riding the cotton pony. Having the painters in
Some of these border on poetry I feel, you know?
Hard-on, rod-on, bone-on, boner, stiff, piss hard, wet dream, hot
Nuts, horny, randy, blue balls, lover's nuts, cunt, strut, queefer
Pussy, farts, asshole, bunghole, little brown eyeball. Bugger, brown
Ream, cornhole, buttfuck, backdoor, bite the brown, sugar bowl, pie
Mustard road, up the old dirt road. Hershey highway. Fishing for
Brown trout. Fudgepacker, pound cake, finger fuck, dry hump, cop a
Feel, tit fuck, French fuck, one man band. Hand job, French job
Blowjob, headjob, rimjob, humjob, pipejob, suck off, give head
Give face, gobble, cop a stem, cop a doodle, go down on, muff dive
Mustache ride. Sit on my face. Yodeling in the gully. Sixty-nine
Seventy-one, which is sixty-nine with two fingers up your ass. Sixty-
Eight, which is "you do me and I'll owe you one." Women hear that
One all the time. Golden showers, around the world, daisy chain
Sloppy seconds, dog style, Mongolian clusterfuck. Group grope
Gangbang, circle jerk, twenty lire, well hung, here we go again now
Dick, prick, dork, dong, tongue, doniker, dingus, wang, schlong
Schwanz, putz, pork, pecker, peter, prong, tool, rod, hammer, shaft
Stick, snake, knob, lop, stem, root, joint, piece, gun, meat, beef
Pork, weenie, skinflute, meatwhistle, tallywacker. Middle leg, short
Arm, rod of love, Mr. Goodwrench. Joystick, love muscle, ding-dong
Tube steak, pink pencil, bald-headed mouse. Trouser snake. The one-
Eyed wonder worm. Jelly roll, puddin', jerk-off, jack-off, wack-off
Pull-off, beat-off, fistfuck, wanking, beating your meat, flogging
Your dong, pounding your pud. Bleeding your weed, wringing out your
Rope. Stroking it, giving it a tug, beating the bishop. Milking the
Lizard, choking the chicken. Waxing the dolphin. Wrestling the eel
Spank the frank, paddle the pickle, jerk the gherkin, punishing
Percy, in your palm. Shootin' putty at the moon. Pocket pool, pimp
Hooker, trick, queen, queer, punk, faggot, quiff, dyke, diesel dyke
Lezzie, bulldagger, box lunch, seafood, rough trade, eat me, fuck
You, up your ass, fuck off, piss off, stick it, stuff it
Shove it, ram it, jam it, cram it, sit on it, get laid, get
In, get off, get it on, get it up, motherfucker, cocksucker
Old fart, fart-face, fartsniffer, cocksman, scatfan, asshole
Peckerhead, scumbag, fuck-up, fuck-off, ballbreaker, ballbuster
A real pisser, cockteaser, cuntlapper, asskisser, brownnose
Shitass, shitheel, douchebag and mother strapellonian
Thank you all for being here tonight. Thank you very much
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