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The FuMP, Vol. 57: May - June 2016
01. The Tom Holland Song
02. Vote for Me (Cam‐Pain Anthem 2016)
03. Weird Al Country Medley
04. Spaghetti Squash
05. The Emperor’s New Groove
06. Cabinet Man
07. Beamer
08. They’re Coming for Ed
09. Sex & Chocolate
10. Death Star Prison Blues
11. Dick Heads
12. Religious Freedom Doesn’t Mean the Freedom to Discriminate
13. Spaghetti Bicycle
14. Deadbeat Decimal
15. Sweet Dicks
16. Lava Death Song
17. Shark Week Song
18. The Comedy‐Music Life
The day they found me, I hadn't yet been played
Inside my workshop behind the old arcade
Electric desires had unraveled all my wires
Now I'm in the box for safekeeping

The news reporters reported that I died
But all my organs were living on inside
Circuit board to brain with two lungs collecting change
One big human heart gently beeping

You can't win me, I can't be beat
I won't hurt you unless you cheat
You can't see me behind the screen
I'm half human and half machine

Thank God for business, they let me take the floor
I stood so proudly, like I was going to war
Players soon appeared and I quickly was revered
This must be what love would have felt like

Such dedication, they came from miles away
With eyes so piercing, they'd wait their turn to play
In perfect patient lines because I was in their minds
I could do whatever I felt like (whatever I felt like)

You can't win me, I can't be beat
I won't hurt you unless you cheat
You can't see me behind the screen
I'm half human and half machine

I'm happy for years and years
And, only eating the occasional maintenance man
Only driving a few kids to madness
Maybe they were predisposed to madness, who knows?
I only want to have fun
But now they're telling me my days here are done
'Cause there's a tiny little box they make in Japan
And pretty soon it's gonna fit in your hand

It's getting lonely, it's getting hard to breathe
The arcade's empty, I think it's Christmas Eve
Someone's broken in, now they're painting on my skin
Breaking me and taking my quarters

Bashing in my face with a crowbar
Kicking me and pushing me over
Now they see my blood on their sneakers

You can't win me, I can't be beat
I won't hurt you unless you cheat
You can't see me behind the screen
I'm half human and half machine