Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up with candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
It's "Merry Christmas' seeping through my walls
Now I'm no wiccan commie nut or nothing
But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
It ain't Halloween, or Thanksgiving, or even April Fools
But it'll surely make a fool out of every man
Ha!
If I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't Hannukah
And all you motherfuckers go to hell
If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa
Joy to the world and Jack and coked
If I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas
'Cause I ain't never anything but broke
Now, every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are fucking infantile
I think we collectively as the people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world, "Let's buy some peace and quiet for a change"
Before we spend it all on fucking toys
Ha!
So, if I ain't drunk, then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
And if I ain't hammered it ain't Hannukah
Fa-la-la-la-la, go fuck yourself!
If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of getting stoned
But if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
So, leave this goddamn scrooge the fuck alone
Ha!
Merry fucking christmas!
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