Testing, one-two, one-two, testing (okay, it's working now)
You've come to, um, to gastronomic, um, capital of the world and, um
A country known for its fashion and its, um, style and "joie de vivre"
So, um, how you, how you (tell 'em how I'm dressed, tell 'em how I'm dressed)
I see you're wearing a very, very fetching, almost period costume, um (yeah)
Very expensive (yeah) and very tailored, very stylish, um (ensemble)
Ensemble, yeah, and, um, I'd just like to hear your first impressions, really
Of, um, how's it going (bloody nightmare, right, okay, um)
Right, we've got a first course and a second course
First course is rice and veg, or spaghetti (where are we actually eating, here?)
Here (right) yeah (okay) okay, alright, alright
(On the spot reaction) on the spot reaction there
You wanna get in a taxi and get the hell out of here (I certainly do, with this coat on)
Um, second (I haven't said a thing) second course, and that's what worries me
Second course (it's the, the silence is unnerving) it's, yeah
It's like, it's a white meat fried with eggs and breadcrumbs (what's white meat?)
(Like chicken? Or) yeah, it's like a Milanese style (yeah, yeah)
And you can have, um, one of these, carrots, potatoes, beans, salad, or some cheese with it
(But what happens if I don't like white meat?) You're fucked
(And what about wine? Is there any wine? I noticed some bo-) there's loads
There's all drinks up there that you can, you can sort yourself out with
(Don't think I'm gonna go up there, I'll tell you) I'll have the spaghetti (not just like this)
(I'll have spaghetti too) same here
And I'll have the white meat with the breadcrumbs (yeah)
And I'll have some potatoes with that (yeah)
(Hang on a minute, I'll tell you what, this is gonna be yours, isn't it?) But I'd like some wine (yeah)
Copious (I mean, at the moment, just 'cause I feel so stupid, I don't even)
(My immediate feeling is that I just wanna change and come with some regular old clothes and not care, than just)
(Get on with it, because that's why we're here and make the best of the situation anyway, do you know what I mean?)
(But I feel as if I've just up like I'm going out to a fucking dinner party or theater or something)
Well, it's understandable, we thought we were
(Well, I just feel stupid)
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