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This is an authorised radio broadcast of the CALM network. Stay calm
The calm is here to help, you have nothing to worry about
We're working to put out the fires and get everything back to normal
If there is anything you need, be sure to look for the parachutes
That we have so graciously provided. They are the ticket to your wildest dreams
Everyone wants the same thing in life: to be successful, to fit in and live in a worry free world
If you feel like the world outside is too much, calm down
There is medicine in the boxes connected to the parachutes, take as much as you want
We'll send more. Welcome to the new tomorrow
Brought to you by the Colation of Alternate Living Methods
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