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I used to hold the biggest balls
Deep inside my castle walls,
Spend my nights with concubine
Wasted, unchaste, drunk on blood red wine.
Being the king was pretty cool,
I'd have to say that ruling ruled
And I'd be in throne still
Had I not one day fallen ill.
I spit and I coughed,
My vision went soft
And my chest got tight.
My court, they surrounded me,
They gagged and bounded me
And threw me out into the night.
Out in the mud I sadly sighed,
The waiting crowd laid and died.
There came a noise boisterous
From down in the cloisters
And I heard them call the cry;
"Draw up the drawbridge, draw down the blinds!
Everyone inside is getting high tonight!
Waiting for the plague to move on,
No one's getting sober till the liquor's all gone!"
The bra in the candelabra,
The panties on the paintings,
The Monks have tapped their finest cask,
And the Nuns are into fainting. They sing,
"I hold my breath, you hit my chest."
You stumble from the arms of the one
What made you, didn't you?
Fumble to the palms of the one
What pays you, didn't you?
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