Well, I took me a woman late last night
I's three-fourths drunk, she looked all right
Till she started peelin' off her onion-gook
She took off her wig, an' said, "How do I look?"
I was high-flyin'
Bare-naked
Out the window
Well, sometimes I might get drunk
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
'Cause I got my little lady right by my side
She's-a tryin' to hide
Pretendin' she don't know me
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
When a can of black paint, it fell on my head
I went down to scrub and rub
But I had to sit in back of the tub
Cost a quarter
Half-price
Well, my telephone rang, it would not stop
It's President Kennedy callin' me up
He said, "My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
I said, "My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot
Anita Ekberg
Sophia Loren"
Country'll grow
Well, I got a woman four feet short
She yells and hollers and screams and snorts
She tickles my nose, pats me on the head
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed
She's a man-eater
Meat-grinder
Bad loser
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time
I got a woman who works herself blind
Works up to her britches, up to her neck
Writes me letters and sends me checks
She's a humdinger
Folk singer
Late one day in the middle of the week
Eyes were closed, I was half asleep
I chased me, a woman up the hill
Right in the middle of an air raid drill
I jumped the fallout shelter
I jumped the string-bean
I jumped the TV dinner
I jumped the shotgun
Now, the man on the stand, he wants my vote
He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple
Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people
He's eatin' bagels
He's eatin' pizza
He's eatin' chitlins
Oh, I set me down on the television floor
I flipped the channel on to number four
Out of the shower comes a football man
With a bottle of oil in his hand
Greasy kid stuff
But what I want to know, Mr. Football Man
Is what do you do about Willy Mays?
Martin Luther King
Oula Tunjee?
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean
She takes about fifteen baths a day
Wants me to grow a mustache on my face, she's insane
Well, ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time
It levels my head and eases my mind
I just walk along and stroll and sing
I'll see better days, and I'll do better things
I'll catch dinosaurs
Make love to Elizabeth Taylor
Catch hell from Richard Burton
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