The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made (2005)

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Overall Rating 28%
Overall Rating
Ranked #9,074
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Can an ordinary card-playing night among good friends result in endless pain and bloody mayhem? After a seemingly innocuous game of cards, death awaits the unsuspecting players, as giant spiders; ferocious bats from hell; lethal babies; violent werewolves, and abominable monsters from the bowels of doom take great pleasure in killing powerless humans. When will this frantic nightmare end? --IMDb
Review by Chad
Added: July 13, 2005
When I write reviews, I normally start things off with a summary of the storyline and mention who all was involved with the movie. This is going to be a tough section to write for this particular title... the storyline is extremely basic unless I decide to spoil half of the gags, and the credits do not show who plays who in the film. So, we start the movie out with Rocco Marone and Jeanne Potter (I'm not sure if that's their real names or character names) who are playing poker with four of their buddies. Those four buddies manage to get themselves killed at the hands of a killer banana, a misplaced step, an axe-wielding serial killer, and a deadly game of fifty-two card pickup. This leaves Jeanne and Rocco in a pretty bad position... so they do the only thing they can do, which is to take off and run from the law. This is where the craziness starts... during their travels, they run into a nymphomaniac werewolf, a zombiefied Jesus, a baby-eating serial killer, rednecks, a giant spider, and plenty of other things that are equally as insane.

Although this movie labels itself as "The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made", it's really not a horror film. There's elements of horror (some death and some monsters), but really, this movie is a comedy from start to finish. Now, this isn't just any comedy... you really have to have a sick sense of humor to enjoy this film. We see things such as Jesus Christ masturbating himself with the nail-hole in his hand, a man who gets off on eating baby shit, a monster made out of feces, a man traveling inside of a woman's vagina to give her an abortion, and of course, the female vampire who is attracted to menstrual blood. This movie defines over-the-top, and it definitely wouldn't be enjoyable for everyone... but personally, I found it to be hilarious.

The budget for this film was extremely low. I have no clue as to what the final numbers were, but I honestly think that I could have put this movie together using household props and a bit of computer editing. Yes, the movie is insanely low-budget, yes, the effects are horrible (watch for the watermelon "head-crushing" effect), and yes, the CGI effects look like they came straight out of Poser (a popular PC graphics program). However, these do not hurt the film in my eyes, and they actually make the comedy even funnier in some parts. As an example: in one scene, we see a huge group of soldiers who are fighting Jesus Christ, who just so happens to be flying around on his cross (have I mentioned that the movie is bizarre?). Instead of actually using a huge group of extras to pull this scene off, they merely set up a bunch of plastic, half-inch army men on the ground and filmed everything close up. It sounds pretty silly, and truthfully, it is... but damned if it didn't get a giggle out of me.

The acting found here is nothing to write home about, but it was a lot better than one would expect from a movie such as this. The opening scene contains some great dialogue between the six friends, and while none of these cast members will go on to win any awards, they each were quite entertaining and easy to watch. The stars of the movie are much the same, although I do have to point out that Rocco does a much better job with his role than Jeanne. Rocco seems much more realistic in his role, whereas Jeanne seems like she's reading off of cue-cards for a large portion of her scenes. Still, it does nothing to hurt the movie, and you really shouldn't go into this one with expectations of stellar acting anyway.

To sum this movie up, I'd like to compare it to South Park. Imagine, if you will, if those four kids from Colorado were fifty times more offensive. Now, throw in more religion and feces jokes than South Park managed to pull out in its entire history. Finally, make all of the special effects in this live-action film look slightly less realistic than those found in the animated South Park, and you'd have "The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made". It certainly isn't the best and it's far from the funniest, but it's definitely not the worst. Check it out. 8/10.
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