Babysitter Massacre (2013)

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Overall Rating 42%
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Ranked #8,846
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Young women start a babysitting business until one of their friends dies. Years later, they go their separate ways, but someone starts killing them one at a time on Halloween. --IMDb
Review by Chad
Added: August 28, 2013
I've said it countless times in other reviews on this site, but I'm a huge fan of the eighties slasher formula. Sure, they were cheesy movies, but there's just something about them that reels me in every time. There are a lot of modern movies that try to emulate the style and present us with flashbacks of a time gone by, but most of those movies miss the point entirely. These movies weren't meant to be taken seriously, they weren't intent on telling a gripping tale, and they certainly weren't works of cinematic art. However, they were a whole lot of fun, even if in a formulaic kind of way. Babysitter Massacre is another in a string of throwbacks, and it actually works out... sort of.

The storyline is pretty flimsy, but then, weren't they all? This one centers around a group of young ladies - Angela (Erin R. Ryan), Cassandra (Haley Madison), and Arlene (Tara Clark) - who get together on Halloween night for a slumber party to relive their teenage days. Well, some of those days. You see, these girls had a friend who was murdered seven years ago while she was out trick-or-treating with another friend. Bianca (Marylee Osborne) was the friend in question, and though Angela is still best friends with her, the other girls in town never let her forget that she ran and left their friend to die. But enough about that - it's a slumber party, and what party would be complete without lingerie, Ouija boards, pillow fights, and gratuitous nudity? Of course, the party also isn't complete without a masked killer lurking about, picking the girls and their friends off one by one.

Babysitter Massacre really captures the spirit of those old slasher flicks, and that's either a good thing or a bad thing depending on your personal opinion of those movies. It's cheesy as all hell, favoring boobs and blood over plot and intelligence, and it's certainly not something that you would pull out when you're in the mood for a "real" horror movie. However, if you can see the charm in those movies and if you're in the mood for some cinematic junk food, you might get a kick out of this one.

All of the staples of those movies are present here, and it's pretty obvious that director Henrique Couto has seen his fair share of the classics. The shower scene, the pizza boy, the Ouija board, and even the lingerie-clad girls engaging in a pillow fight - it's all here. Really, the only thing missing was a cat jumping out of a cupboard for the ol' false scare. Again, it's all cheesy as hell, but it's true to its roots - those movies were never "great" movies, but they were usually entertaining (more so for the male audience, wink wink).

So, I've told you about the movie in general, now how about some specifics? Well, let's just cut to what you really want to know about, the kills. Hey, it's one of the reasons we pick these movies up, so it's a valid point to jump to. I have to say that they are hit or miss in this release. Some of them are quite good: there's some great special effects on display, such as when a woman is doused in boiling water or when another has her fingernails ripped out with pliers. Unfortunately, there are a handful of kills that are rather weak. They are the ones that are there simply to up the body count, but there's no real effort put into them: we see the victim scream, we see the killer holding a weapon, and then we see some blood splatter against a surface before cutting back to the victim, who now has some blood on her face and / or chest. Disappointing.

I did enjoy the "babes / boobs" side of things though. There are an abundance of boobs here, as well as an abundance of abundant bosoms, so that side of things remains faithful to the eighties. However, while any movie could throw us a couple of nudie scenes, it's rare that said boobs are attached to women who can actually act. Now, let's not shit ourselves: none of these women are a-list actresses, and none of them turn in highly memorable performances. Still, for a slasher movie, and a low-budget one at that, they were definitely better than I expected. There are a few awkward moments from the main cast, but for the most part, the ladies who couldn't act were the first to get chopped up.

Overall, I think I'm going to give Babysitter Massacre a recommendation for people who enjoy cheesy eighties slashers. Those of you who are looking for a modern slasher flick may want to look elsewhere, and those of you who want a "real" horror movie will definitely want to pass on this one, but anybody who has seen and enjoyed any eighties movie with the word "Massacre" in the title will likely find a lot to love here. If you can name four of those movies off the top of your head, you'll definitely have a soft spot for this one. I wouldn't rank it alongside the classics, but it's certainly a respectable nod to them. 7/10.
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