Stay Alive (2006)

DVD Cover (Walt Disney Studios Director's Cut)
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Overall Rating 42%
Overall Rating
Ranked #2,543
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For a group of teens, the answer to the mysterious death of their old friend lies within the world of an online video game based on the true story of an ancient noblewoman known as the Blood Countess. --IMDb
Review by bluemeanie
Added: March 27, 2006
Damn you, William Brent Bell - damn you straight to hell! Damn you for disguising your horror trailer to look mildly appealing! Damn you for taking what could have been a successful horror movie storyline and turning it into 'Murder At the WB'! Damn you for making me sit through ninety minutes of the most painfully awful acting and directing I have seen since "House of the Dead". Uwe Boll and Eli Roth might have yet another addition to the 'What the Fuck' Director's Club. I really don't know how else to describe the cinematic misery that was "Stay Alive". If you remember that really bad Edward Furlong movie "Brainscan", that had kind of the same premise - this film makes it look like the master of the film universe. "Stay Alive" will make you wish you hadn't.

All right, so here's the plot - Milo Ventimiglia from TV's "Gilmore Girls" stumbles upon this underground video game called "Stay Alive" that eventually gets him hung and killed. Then his friends, including Sophia Bush from TV's "One Tree Hill" and Samaire Armstrong from season one of TV's "The OC", get ahold of the game and start to play, only to realize the game is possessed and will kill them off, one by one, the way it does in the game. That is all you need to know about that.

The acting is putrid. Sophia Bush and Samaire Armstrong lead the Double Team of Pain, giving two of the worst female acting jobs in the history of modern horror cinema. Frankie Muniz is equally miserable in a role that does nothing but show how worthless he is with a script. Jon Foster, who offered so much promise in "The Door In the Floor", is brought down to the levels of fake crying and cringing when he sees a lighter. Adam Goldberg, another fine actor, is also turned into something of a disaster with a role that was obviously written for Adam Goldberg. The directing was amazingly wretched, in addition to the unbelievably terrible performances. There is not a single scare in this entire picture. "Super Mario Brothers", the movie, was more frightening than this.

And, what's with the names here? Hutch? Swink? Loomis? Phineus? October? Where in the hell do these people live that their parents would curse them with names like this? At first, I thought they were just screen-names, but those are the names the detective calls them by, leading me to believe they were all named after Milton Bradley board games.

So, let's see -- what is the most ridiculous aspect of the film? Is it how they can throw a handful of roses at the demon and it causes her to disappear? It is that Frankie Muniz's full name is Swink Sylvania? Is it that Jon Foster keeps having these flashbacks to a burning house for no apparent reason? Is it that Sophia Bush becomes the smartest chick in the room, even though we know otherwise? It is that Samaire Armstrong is the worst actress in the history of the world?

In short summation, that away from "Stay Alive". This is truly one of the worst horror films I have ever had the displeasure of sitting through, and a total waste of time for any audience member who wants anything more than ridiculous dialogue, cheesy relationships, and Frankie Muniz. I have sat through infomercials with more kick than this. One more time - stay away from "Stay Alive". NOTE: the only reason this film received a rating of '1 out of 10' was because I thought Milo Ventimiglia looked absolutely adorable with the short facial hair thing going. That's all!

Chad #1: Chad - added 12/16/2006, 05:51 AM
During the production phase of the film, I was looking forward to it. Then I heard that they basically shredded the movie (which, supposedly, had originally been soaked with gore) in order to get a PG-13 rating, so I pretty much lost all hope for it. When reviews like the above started rolling out, I thought that it was to be expected, since they cut such a large chunk of the movie out and all, so I decided to wait for the DVD before passing judgment.

Now then, after sitting through the unrated director's cut, I still agree with the above review. The opening scene was great - during the first ten minutes of the movie, I was fully expecting to write a rebuttal review after the credits rolled, figuring that there was some talent wrapped up in this after all. Then I finished watching it, and... well, read the above review. 2/10.
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