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49%
Overall Rating
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Ranked #12,870
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When young Simon Robertson moves with his family to a new town, he thinks the biggest peril will be the local bullies. Unfortunately, Simon's friend Meg informs him that this town has a much darker secret: a body count stretching into the hundreds - all the handiwork of Porkchop, a deranged madman with a pig mask. When the killer resurfaces, Simon and Meg will experience the most terrifying night of their soon-to-be short lives.
--IMDb
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Review by Crispy
Added: October 3, 2012
I was pretty excited to fire up Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind. I enjoyed the first movie, and I get a kick out of Eamon Hardiman's tongue-in-cheek humor in both that movie and its spin-off Zombie Babies. Unfortunately, by the time the credits rolled, I was happy the movie was over.
Simon's life has hit the skids in a bad way. His father is something of a dick, and he recently got a great deal on a house in the middle of nowhere, and the whole family is heading out. Simon doesn't exactly make friends too easily, so he's none to happy about completely uprooting his life. After making this fact known one too many times, his father kicks him out of the car and makes him walk the rest of the way. During his stroll, what could possibly be the weirdest girl on the planet jumps out and scares the shit out of him with a pig mask. Her name is Meg, and she's absolutely obsessed with the local legend of the mass-murdering Porkchop. Since Simon's new house just so happens to be the pig-faced slayer's old house, he just became her best friend. After a week or so, his parents have to take a weekend trip back to the city to see what happened to their moving van, and we all know what that means: Party Time! Which, in turn, means this group of intoxicated, teenage fornicators is about to meet up with the very real living legend.
Damn was this ever a sleeper. You see, the other two movies were most certainly bad movies, but they worked because they were self-aware bad movies. Nobody was under the impression they were kicking out cinematic gold, and they just had a blast putting together ninety minutes that were so retarded you couldn't help but laugh, but you were laughing with the movie, not at it. All of that is out the window now, since it seems that our filmmakers were trying to put out a straight-forward horror movie, but it's just as bad. The story is cliched, the acting sucks, and the pacing crawls; and now we don't have that tongue in cheek humor or outrageous characters to actually make the viewing worthwhile.
He's never had strong acting on his side, but for the most part, they at least had charisma on their side to make up the difference. Not any more. For this sequel, he's gone ahead and hired a bunch of 2x4's, which was even more salt in the wounds created by the new direction. The entire cast brings forth a whole new standard in awful acting; and the usual saving grace, Brian Gunnoe as the super charismatic Burt Flemming, is barely in the movie at all. And even when he is, the character is on way too short of a leash. He needs to be able to go balls to the walls to get the job done. Also, for reasons unknown, his friend Teddy is completely different. Initially played by Hardiman himself, the back and forth between Burt about his sexuality were great. Here, Teddy is suddenly a huge, overly effeminate black man. The results weren't good. Plus, in another backwards move, the women cast are on the wrong end of the looker spectrum too. Bummer.
I really wanted to like Porkchop II. Hell, I went in fully expecting to. Unfortunately, Hardiman felt it necessary to break his winning formula. If it's not broken, don't fix it. 2/10.
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