Big Tits Zombie (2010)

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> Japanese Weirdness
Overall Rating 43%
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Ranked #8,139
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Connections: Nippon Splatterotics

A medieval Book of the Dead is discovered in the catacombs that run under a small town strip club. When one of the desperate strippers raises an army of the undead, the rest of the strippers must kick some zombie ass to save the world. --TMDb
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Review by Chad
Added: December 2, 2011
Alright, I'll admit it: the only thing that drew me to Big Tits Zombie was the title. I knew nothing about the movie, but it showed up as a related item over on Amazon and that title suckered me in. It's an attention-grabbing title for a movie, I will definitely give them that - I mean, guys, tell me you wouldn't stop at a restaurant called "Blowjobs and Steak" to see what it was all about. So, I sat down with the movie today with visions of big tits, zombies, and maybe even zombies with big tits dancing in my head, and what I got was... well, read on.

We begin with the obligatory introductions to our heroines, who come to us courtesy of Asian strippers. There's the slutty cowgirl Lena (Sola Aoi), former prisoner and all-around bad girl Ginko (Risa Kasumi), gothic lolita Maria (Mari Sakurai), the foreigner Darna (Io Aikawa), and the older, motherly Nene (Tamayo). All of these girls work together in a strip club that doesn't get a whole lot of customers, and since they apparently live in a room at the club, they have plenty of free time to sit around in lingerie and chat with one another. On this particular day, their chat leads to a catfight, the catfight leads to a commotion, and the commotion leads to some boxes being knocked over... revealing a locked door where there was supposed to just be a wall.

We wouldn't have a very exciting movie if the girls didn't venture behind this door, and upon opening it, they discover a creepy room with a "well of souls" in the middle of it. They also discover a book of the dead, which the gothic girl immediately opens and begins to read aloud. Bad idea. Before you know it, Japan is swarming with zombies, and these strippers will have to pick up their katanas, chainsaws, and pistols if they want to make it through the night.

Big Tits Zombie is a comedy / horror / sexploitation hybrid that attempts to cash in on the popularity of other recent Japanese splatterfests such as Tokyo Gore Police and The Machine Girl, but unfortunately, it is not as good as either of those films. Sure, it has its heart in the right place: there's plenty of titillation (but a surprising lack of boobs), lots of bloodshed, and yes, even some downright bizarre shit (a flame-spitting vagina). However, it's obvious from the beginning that this is nothing more than a second-rate rip-off of other, better movies. It's still a fun movie for fans of this kind of trash, don't get me wrong, but it's not even in the same league as the aforementioned films.

For starters, the film takes entirely too long to get started. Now, I don't normally mind character development and such, but in a movie like this with porn starlets in the leading roles, you want to take advantage of the strengths of these ladies, not their weaknesses. You want them to show off their boobs and kill off packs of the walking dead, not sit around in a room and talk with one another for long stretches of running time. Granted, they did an alright job with the acting side of things, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't stifle a yawn or two.

Things begin to pick up when the women visit a spa resort and sumo wrestle with one another before using their bodies as buffet tables for a midget and his cronies (thumbs up for that bizarre scene). Finally, the zombies are unleashed, and... well, it's a low-budget zombie film with scantily-clad women in the leading roles. Alright, I have to give the filmmakers credit for the flamethrower vagina, and seeing ninja, samurai, and geisha zombies did put a smile on my face, but this is otherwise an average at best zombie flick. The zombie effects are rather weak save for one or two exceptions, and although there were a handful of nice kills (such as the chainsaw splitting), the gore isn't much better. It's not horrible, mind you, but it's the same shit you've already seen in hundreds of other movies: uninspired makeup and lots of cheesy CGI effects mixed with a couple of memorable scenes.

I did get some entertainment out of Big Tits Zombie, don't get me wrong. It has a handful of bright spots, and fans of those trashy Asian splatterfests will certainly enjoy the film to a certain extent. It might be even better in 3D, which is an option on some DVD releases (I didn't get a chance to check that version out, though). However, it's certainly not another classic, and if it wasn't for that title, I doubt anyone outside of Japan would have ever heard of it. Check it out if you loved Tokyo Gore Police and / or The Machine Girl and just have to have more of that kind of movie, but skip it otherwise. 6/10.
Tristan #1: Tristan - added December 5, 2011 at 11:12pm
Flame thrower vagina? Yes please.

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