Machete (2010)

DVD Cover (Twentieth Century Fox)
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Overall Rating 70%
Overall Rating
Ranked #918
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Connections: Grindhouse Machete

After being set-up and betrayed by the man who hired him to assassinate a Texas Senator, an ex-Federale launches a brutal rampage of revenge against his former boss. --IMDb
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Review by bluemeanie
Added: September 4, 2010
When a fake trailer for a fake film called "Machete" kicked off a project called "Grindhouse" back in 2006, one sentence stuck in our minds -- "They fucked with the wrong Mexican." Now Machete is back in all his scarred up, pissed off and kick ass madness. Robert Rodriguez listens to his fans and what his fans wanted was more Machete. So the project sat dormant for a couple of years and then Rodriguez decided to return to the age old exploitation genre he knows so well. The result is one hell of an entertaining time.

What you need to know is that Machete (Danny Trejo) watched his wife and daughter murdered at the hands of a ruthless drug kingpin, Torres (Steven Seagal). We flash forward three-years and Machete is in America working as a day laborer. When a mysterious man (Jeff Fahey) offers Machete $150,000 to kill a senator (Robert DeNiro) against all immigration, he accepts and is thrust into a complicated game of death with players including a psychotic vigilante (Don Johnson), a taco gal turned dangerous hell-bitch (Michelle Rodriguez), an I.C.E. agent (Jessica Alba) and a half-naked nun (Lindsay Lohan). And did we mention Tom Savini as a total bad ass?

This film is an excuse for Danny Trejo to kill as many people as possible in as many ways as possible while still throwing some tongue-in-cheek pseudo-political messages along the way. Rodriguez is smart in that he is packaging his subtle message in a guise of parody and satire. But a message there certainly is. And what better messenger than Danny Trejo, a character actor whose work has always been under-appreciated finally given a chance to shine. And shine he does -- from ripping out a man's intestines and using them as a rope to having numerous sexual escapades with virtually every hot lady in the picture.

"Machete" is filled with actors having a great time. Robert DeNiro hasn't been this engaging in years and when he comes out of that warehouse dressed in that ensemble firing at the horde of vigilantes, I think the audience cheered. Don Johnson is terrific as Von Jackson, the evil vigilante and he really does remind you that he still has the chops as an actor. Jeff Fahey is a blast in his role and really plays the style of the film well. Cheech Marin reprises his role as Machete's brother and has some of the most memorable lines in the film. And Steven Seagal is just great as the villain of the film. Seagal is still an intimidating presence on screen even in a film like this and it was nice to see him let loose, relax and have some fun for a couple of hours.

Say what you want about the film but it's exactly what you would think a "Machete" feature would be -- covered in blood, sex and tacos. Robert Rodriguez does this type of thing well and he knows how to make it memorable. My personal favorite of the scenes involves Machete attempting to send a text message. Hilarity ensues. "Machete" will not disappoint you if you go in expecting what you should. It isn't setting out to win any awards or change any hearts and minds -- it simply wants to show you that a gunshot to the head won't necessarily kill you, but it might cause you to have to wear a super cool pirate patch. 8/10.
Lucid Dreams #1: Lucid Dreams - added September 4, 2010 at 3:18pm
I loved this movie, it was just fun and blood!
BuryMeAlive #2: BuryMeAlive - added September 4, 2010 at 5:16pm
I like the trailer, but can someone tell me if this movie is just as 'ok' as "Planet Terror" is or pure garbage as "Death Proof" is? Or does it stand alone without any influences from the "Grindhouse" movies?
bluemeanie #3: bluemeanie - added September 4, 2010 at 5:30pm
Well...I loved "Death Proof" and agree with "Planet Terror". Don't expect much more than you got with "Planet Terror" but don't expect it to be as AMAZING as "Death Proof" either.
benloveshorror #4: benloveshorror - added September 4, 2010 at 6:48pm
I'm glad that a lot of "guy" movies are being released in theaters right now. After months of endless kiddie movies and chick flicks, us men are finally getting what we want to see with The Expendables, Piranha 3D and Machete all being released in the last few weeks.
AttnDefDis #5: AttnDefDis - added September 5, 2010 at 12:30pm
Guy movies? That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You make it sound like mindless action movies with no story line are the only kind of movies meant for guys. How very sad and limiting for you. I completely agree with Murder on this matter "Death Proof" was one of the most boring and pointless movies I've ever seen in my entire life. Although, I will say that "Inglorious Basterds" tops it on my list of awful movies. "Planet Terror" was at least decent, but by far, the best parts of the Grindhouse showing was the fake trailers, "Don't". Awesome. Back to the topic at hand though, sorry. I was sketchy about seeing this and was wondering it it was as good as the fake trailer. So, thanks for the timely review.
benloveshorror #6: benloveshorror - added September 5, 2010 at 5:23pm
Oh, I guess I should have said "fun" movies instead of "guy" movies. And what's wrong with mindless action movies? I'd rather watch those than two hours of just people talking about boring shit. But I flunked out of college twice, so what do I know.
bluemeanie #7: bluemeanie - added September 7, 2010 at 2:24pm
I can think of no better terminology for it than 'guy movies' -- that's a friendly and appropriate term for films like that. And someone obviously has a biased opinion towards Mr. Tarantino.
Lucid Dreams #8: Lucid Dreams - added September 7, 2010 at 2:56pm
The ice cream cart at the end of the mob almost made me piss myself, or the "I may be adopted" scene.
AttnDefDis #9: AttnDefDis - added September 7, 2010 at 4:28pm
I'm not biased against Tarantino, I just thought those movies totally blew. I like the Kill Bills and Reservoir Dogs. Also, I think "guy movies" is a perfectly appropriate term. I just think it's sad if you really think those types of movies are the only ones that appeal to a guy. I mean, that's ridiculously limiting.
Lucid Dreams #10: Lucid Dreams - added September 7, 2010 at 5:59pm
If you didn't think Plant Terror was that good you'll probably think the same for this.
AttnDefDis #11: AttnDefDis - added September 7, 2010 at 6:05pm
I liked "Planet Terror". It was "Death Proof" that I thought was so dull.
benloveshorror #12: benloveshorror - added September 8, 2010 at 3:21am
When I referred to Machete and the other aforementioned films as guy movies, I din't mean that those types of movies are the only ones that appeal to a guy. But the majority of people that would watch those movies are guys. Just like the majority of people that go see a Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts movie are women, therefore those movies are called "chick flicks."
AttnDefDis #13: AttnDefDis - added September 8, 2010 at 9:12pm
I'll agree with that. Meanwhile, even though I'm a girl, I still have to see this movie. I hope I like it half as much as most of you seem to.
benloveshorror #14: benloveshorror - added September 8, 2010 at 10:28pm
I hope I like it too. I'm sure I will, because I loved Planet Terror. And that cast is very interesting. Robert Deniro, Steven Seagal, Jessica Alba, Lindsey Lohan, and Danny Trejo all in one movie.
Lucid Dreams #15: Lucid Dreams - added September 8, 2010 at 10:47pm
I can't stand Jessica Alba and she did alright on here. Lindsey Lohan just played a stupid druggy bitch, so she played herself and everyone else did what they do best.
bluemeanie #16: bluemeanie - added September 10, 2010 at 5:01pm
Just because you say they are 'guy movies' doesn't mean that says it's all that appeals to guys. He didn't say 'the only movies guys watch'. Just because I call "Eat Pray Love" a chick flick doesn't mean any girls watch it.
AttnDefDis #17: AttnDefDis - added September 11, 2010 at 11:27am
Uh, I thought this topic was settled. I think me and ben wasden have come to an understanding and since then, the comments have concerned the movie itself.
bluemeanie #18: bluemeanie - added September 13, 2010 at 11:09am
Thanks, Comment Patrol, for that rundown.
AttnDefDis #19: AttnDefDis - added September 13, 2010 at 2:12pm
Well, I figured you needed the heads up. Especially considering you were never part of that conversation to begin with.
bluemeanie #20: bluemeanie - added September 13, 2010 at 6:03pm
I needed the heads up as much as you need some tact etiquette. So I guess I would say "thank you".
Crispy #21: Crispy - added September 14, 2010 at 12:42pm
Hey, Pot? Yeah, it's Kettle.
grain of sand #22: grain of sand - added October 21, 2010 at 4:25am
Ear to ear grin for it's entire viewing, 10/10, I had a blast
Doug #23: Doug - added March 25, 2011 at 5:08am
I loved this movie. I watched it the same night I saw the Expendables, and both of them where awesome in my opinion. They delivered exactly what they promised, cheesy 80s style story line, with lots of blood and violence (and in Machete's case, titties.lol) I definitely enjoyed this more then I was expecting.

Crispy #24: Crispy - added May 11, 2011 at 11:29pm
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