Salvation (2007)

DVD Cover (York Entertainment)
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Overall Rating 24%
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Ranked #13,106
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The centuries old battle between the powers of heaven and the forces of hell have collided in a final modern day showdown. The determining factor may lie in the heart of a little girl; murdered at 8, she has arisen to avenge those that have wronged her, but will find that the truth is not always as it seems. Will she risk damning her own soul to purgatory forever to do what's right? --IMDb
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Review by Crispy
Added: June 21, 2010
The first time I tried watching this, I fell asleep about half an hour in, and that half hour was so mind-numbingly dreadful that it took me the better part of six months before I popped it in again and forced myself to finish it. Turns out it only gets worse from that thirty minute point.

The plot, as best as I can figure, involves two Templar knights, Malchezidek (Ben Bayless) and Gabrielle (J.A. Steele), who fought in the Crusades. Of the one thousand some knights that were sentenced to death for heresy, these were the only two who didn't make it into heaven. Instead, they've remained on Earth as angels of death, fighting over possession of the souls of the dead, Malchezidek for Hell, Gabrielle for Heaven. One such soul is a pregnant mother who gets shot in the head in a dark alley; it is decided that Malchezidek can have the mother's soul if Gabrielle can save the life of the baby, Michaela Weaver (Heather Surdukan). Eight years later, Michaela and her father are having a picnic when four bikers ride up, and interrogate the man on a missing case of money. Before leaving, they rape Michaela and beat both her and her father to death. As they ride off, Gabrielle claims the body of Michaela and keeps her in a purgatory of sorts for the next fifteen years. She's certainly not alive, but she eats, sleeps and grows up. At 23, Gabrielle decides to return her to corporeal form to avenge her father; but there's more than just Michaela's vengeance in Gabrielle's plans.

As I sit here, I can not think of a single good thing to say about this film. For one thing, I'm not entirely sure about the accuracy of that plot synopsis; considering how many details were missing and superfluous details were thrown in there for no reason whatsoever. The whole paragraph was really all just my best guess. And not only is whoever wrote this story insanely inept, but they added further insult by jamming in enough padding to fill King Kong's pillow. For example, right after Michaela is murdered, every bit of twenty of minutes is spent watching a childhood Michaela playing on the swings and trying to talk to a priest? Why? Just to pad out the running time. Not that the actual content is much better. For one thing, every single person in front of the camera can not act worth a damn. I mean that sincerely, every last piece of dialogue delivered is literally cringe-worthy. Plus, they like to throw in all these random sword fights that serve no purpose and look horrible. They're very slow, very choreographed, and they probably gave me the world record for looking at the remaining time to see how much more of this I had to endure. That's right, the "action scenes" are just more padding.

Salvation is an absolute waste of time. I'll throw it half a bonus point for a halfway-decent heavy metal soundtrack, but there is literally not a single reason I would recommend this movie to anyone. .5/10.
Greg Follender #1: Greg Follender - added June 23, 2010 at 5:43pm
But seriously... how do you REALLY feel about the film?
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