Ghost In A Teeny Bikini (2006)

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Overall Rating 41%
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Ranked #9,988
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A B-movie actress and her director boyfriend go to the spooky mansion of her rich uncle for the reading of his will, while her uncle's scheming lawyer and a sexy, playful female ghost vie to control the inheritance. --IMDb
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Review by Chad
Added: April 26, 2010
Michael Bay is known for making movies with lots of explosions. George Lucas is known for going back for seconds when it comes to CGI effects. Steven Spielberg is known for big-budget summer blockbusters. Fred Olen Ray is known for boobs and bikinis, and trust me when I say that Ghost in a Teeny Bikini does not break the cycle. Personally, I don't care for these movies all that much; I mean, sure, I love big-breasted bimbos in bikinis and I love boobs, but I've simply grown weary of the softcore genre as a whole. There was just something about this one that made me want to check it out though, and I'm kind of glad that I did. Kind of.

As for the story, it's as simple as it gets. It centers around softcore film star Muffin Baker (Christine Nguyen) and her boyfriend / film director Ted Wood Jr. (Voodoo), and we quickly learn that one of Muffin's long-lost relatives has died. Apparently, the old man was quite wealthy and he requested that Muffin be present when his will is read, so things are looking up for our heroes. There's just one catch: the estate is currently being run by Archibald Weisenheimer (Brad Bartram), his daughter Evilyn (Rebecca Love), his sex-charged French maid Fuscia (Michelle Lay), and his man-servant Marsh (Evan Stone).

The crew are all smiles when Muffin and Ted show up for the reading of the will, but Archibald will stop at nothing to ensure that he is the sole benefactor of the will... even if it means killing poor Muffin in the process. Oh, and did I mention that the house is haunted by Tabitha (Nicole Sheridan), the "tit"ular ghost in a teeny bikini? Throw in some laughs and a handful of softcore sex scenes featuring all of the aforementioned names as well as adult star Syren, and we have ourselves a film.

The core storyline is disposable at best, and it only serves to move us from sex scene to sex scene. I guess that's a given, but having seen some of Fred Olen Ray's previous films, I do have to say that I was a little let down. Granted, the man is no master scriptwriter capable of producing epic tales for the screen, but he is capable of putting together some entertaining schlock. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini features a storyline that isn't quite trash, but it's certainly nothing to boast about either. It's there, it moves things along, and that's about all that can be said for it.

One thing that I will give the movie credit for is the way that it blended in musical-esque scenes. I wouldn't go so far as to classify the film as a softcore musical, but there are three scenes featuring singing from the leading lads and ladies and at least one of them was downright brilliant. Watching Evan Stone sing and dance around to a fifties-era pop song is something that really has to be seen to be believed, and though the other numbers do not live up to that quality, they're not all that bad either.

If it wasn't blatantly obvious, the film doesn't exactly take itself very seriously, and yes, there are plenty of laughs to be found. Some of the jokes do fall flat, but there were some that had me in stitches: the respectable old constable proclaiming that "she tripped and fell over her own tits" would be the scene that ranks highest on that list, but there other gems buried in here as well. I may be spoiled to Seduction Cinema's style of mixing together comedy and softcore, but Ray is certainly no novice in the genre either and this one proves it.

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini delivers six sex scenes (three featuring Christine Nguyen and one featuring each of the other three ladies), three musical numbers, and a handful of laughs. It's not a film that stands above its contemporaries in the softcore genre, but if you happen to catch it airing late at night on Cinemax, you could certainly do worse. 6/10.
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