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51%
Overall Rating
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Ranked #379
...out of 16,701 movies
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Sam Witwicky leaves the Autobots behind for a normal life. But when his mind is filled with cryptic symbols, the Decepticons target him and he is dragged back into the Transformers' war.
--IMDb
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Review by Crispy
Added: June 28, 2009
Transformers was a halfway entertaining movie, but for me, it was just way too drawn out. A lot of people just wanted to see some giant robots beating the hell out of each other, and in that regard, the movie didn't really give up the goods. But when that final battle in the streets of LA finally happened, it was fun as hell. I went in to Revenge of the Fallen with high hopes for this series. High hopes that the ante, and the animosity between factions, had both been raised. I left disappointed.
It's been two years since that battle, and the Autobots, who have since gained a few new recruits that have made their way to Earth, have joined up with the Marine squad they fought alongside to form NEST, an organization designed for destroying Decepticons. Meanwhile, Sam is leaving for college, leaving Bumblebee (who mysteriously can't talk again) and Mikaela behind. As he's packing his stuff, he takes out the sweatshirt he wore two years ago, and discovers a piece of the All Spark in the pocket. As he holds it in his hand, it fires a large amount of information into his head, making him drop it on the floor, where it burns its way into the kitchen and animates dozens of appliances. Bumblebee makes quick work of the nuisances, and Sam gives Mikaela the sliver before heading off, not noticing that a Decepticon RC truck saw the whole thing. Once at college, Sam begins having visions of Cybertronian symbols, and realizes that the sliver has implanted some very important knowledge in his brain. And to make matters worse, the Decepticons have resurrected Megatron; he returns to the Decepticon base on Saturn, where Starscream has rebuilt their army, and prepares to put his master, The Fallen's, plan into action. A plan that will not only gain their revenge on Sam and Optimus, but will completely destroy the solar system.
Let's get into the reason people would want to see this: the Transformers themselves. And we might as well talk about them, since the movie sure as hell didn't. The titular warriors were completely shafted in this movie, and most of the running time was spent on Sam running around doing not a whole lot, while the robots are completely breezed over. There are five new Autobots, and two aside, none of them get any type of introduction or development, and probably got less than fifteen minutes of screentime combined. Hell, two of them aren't even named on screen, which are a shame because they were actually really cool robots. There are two cars, one of which skates around with two blades on its arms and the other uses some kind of electrical cables for weapons. Both of which would have made for some great fights had they actually been used. The third is Arcee, three motorcycles who is actually under one hive mind. Or something. They never even attempted to explain it, so who knows. The two that actually did feature prominently in the movie never should have been in it at all. Simply referred to as 'the twins,' Mudflap and Skids are those ugly, mini plastic things that are suddenly popular. The two bounce around in "standard comic black" behavior, fighting amongst each other like five-year-olds. Yes, the two most heavily featured Autobots are the comic relief characters. Comic relief that isn't even funny unless you're ten years old.
The Decepticons didn't even fare that well. Megatron, Starscream and The Fallen were the only ones to get any sort of proper treatment. They added the popular character Soundwave, but he just floats around in space for five minutes, and he's done. They completely ignored the cop that was left behind at the end of the last movie in favor of Grindor, a carbon copy of the helicopter previously used. For the final battle, The Fallen announces 'Decepticons attack!" and a dozen meteorites fall and start fighting. Talk about fodder characters. Then, they added in Devastator, a giant robot combined from construction vehicles, complete with two wrecking balls strategically placed to make the ten-year-olds laugh again. Not only did he serve absolutely no point for being there at all, but he was dismantled in such a facepalm-inducing display of deus ex machina it was ridiculous. To say nothing of the fact that the robots that formed him are seen fighting individually at the exact same time. And just like the Autobots, there were some great ideas in there that were completely underused. Like the bulldozer that used its treads as whip like weapons. The ball was dropped here, and dropped hard.
Unfortunately, the humans were just as bad. Shia Lebouf and Megan Fox return to play Sam and Mikaela, and they were both passable. The problem is that, aside from these two, every fucking character was comic relief. Sam's new roommate, Leo (Ramón Rodríguez) is a horny, conspiracy nut who gets caught up in the action. So he spends the first half overacting about hot chicks, and the second half overacting like a scared little girl. And the whole performance is capped off when he accidentally tazes himself in the nuts. Also, Agent Simmons makes his triumphant return. We know his shtick, and it returns, overblown as ever. Perhaps the highlight is him modeling his Sector 7 thong. We've already seen Sam's parents in action, and they too are even more over the top this time. Especially his mother. The boy's leaving for college, and she's walking around crying and clutching his baby booties. Then she gets there, eats some weed brownies, and spends an unnecessarily long time running around making an ass out of herself. Now, I'll admit I've only partaken in that particular plant once or twice, but I spent those times sitting on a couch doing nothing, not tackling complete strangers and ripping frisbees from their hands. The scene, and all of these characters, were supposed to be funny, but like Mudflap and Skids, they were just annoying to anyone above the age of eleven. All of it should have been completely scrapped in favor of spending time fleshing out the robots.
There are only a few good things I can mention about this. One, of course, is Megan Fox spending quite a bit of time running around in slow motion wearing a low cut shirt, but the other is the two Optimus Prime fights. The first one is a one on three battle with Optimus taking on Megatron, Starscream and Grindor, and then there was the end of the final battle, where he takes on The Fallen and Megatron. Not only do they do wonders for establishing Optimus as a bad ass (something I thought the first movie missed), but they're just entertaining fights. It's the complete opposite of everything this movie did wrong. The fights were smaller, and more personal. We knew who the combatants were. Most of all, it was the glimmer of the potential that was pissed away, because this plot did have potential. Michael Bay's biggest criticism is that he doesn't know when enough is enough, and that fact is what threw this movie right into the shitter. This could have been a highly entertaining sequel, but as it stands, I sure as hell don't want to watch this again, and I'm not the least bit interested in seeing the next movie in the franchise. Good job Mike, you took giant robots beating the hell out of each other, and you were actually able to do it wrong. 3/10.
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#1:
BuryMeAlive
- added 06/28/2009, 09:52 AM
Worst movie of the year... Terrible from start to
finish.
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#2:
steveoutr
- added 06/28/2009, 11:57 AM
I really enjoyed this movie, ran a little bit
long, could of done without the twin robots, but
the movie entertained me and that's all i want out
of a movie. 8/10
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#3:
solidsnake_2
- added 06/28/2009, 05:15 PM
burymealive this has mainly positive review
overall, so obviously u jus dnt kno what is a good
movie, fag.
i think this is the best
thing since they invented bread. 10 out of fuckin
10
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#4:
Nirrad
- added 06/28/2009, 05:23 PM
Oh yeah? Rottentomatoes begs to differ
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#5:
Crispy
- added 06/28/2009, 06:53 PM
Dude, the only thing sadder than your dumb ass 13
year old reply is the fact that you think it's
cool. We need to get Chad to add a feature
blocking people who haven't finished puberty yet.
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#6:
BuryMeAlive
- added 06/29/2009, 11:00 AM
*sigh* Now, calling me a 'fag' does not make the
movie any better now does it? And it will sure not
change my mind about it either...
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#7:
cky2kendall
- added 06/29/2009, 01:45 PM
Last I checked community rating on RT was 69%.
I saw it last week, it wasn't bad. I mean
it's a movie about robots blowing the hell out of
each other. I don't see how people can go into it
looking for depth in story or characters we can
relate to. That said it could've easily had about
30 minutes cut off.
5/10. I expected
explosions, CGI fights and more explosions, and it
delivered.
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#8:
Crispy
- added 06/29/2009, 02:25 PM
Yeah, no. RT is 21%
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#9:
solidsnake_2
- added 06/29/2009, 05:06 PM
385 what makes u think i am 13 years old, i dnt
think ur balls even dropped yet and i do agree
sumone need to add feature for blockin people who
not started puberty which is urself, so i give u
credit for realising this,
i only
thought this film is amazing based on the cartoon,
and this film is popular for a reason, cunts like
u mite thnk films like fuckin batman is the film
of the year, its sad to that people these days can
only insult others based on age or there race.
typical teenager, i think u shuld stick with
playin mario.
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#10:
Crispy
- added 06/29/2009, 05:16 PM
*sigh* Fucking September never ends. I suppose it
never occurred to you that there's a reason people
just assume you're thirteen, has it?
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#11:
Nirrad
- added 06/29/2009, 06:41 PM
Wow, his grammar is probably the worst I've ever
seen. There isn't a single correct sentence. Fuck
off solidsnake_2
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#12:
solidsnake_2
- added 06/29/2009, 08:22 PM
hahah Nirrad i dnt bother wasting time correcting
my grammar on sum shit site, and of all fairness i
more than likely to have better result than u in
school, and on the otherhand, what u think of me
is ur opinion and i feel the same about u, and
what u gonna do if i dnt fuck off, jus what the
fuck can u do,and 385 actually u pretty much the
first guy who assume i am 13, and thats very good
comin from a guy with a hoody and a stick, i bet u
a virgin. if all u guys do is insult me then u
can go fuck urself, seriously, u can debate about
a movie good or bad, but if u lot gonna judge me
on sumthing, then pls do so in person, since u all
jus a hiding on a website, it makes u weak, i hope
ur mum is proud of u, cus i doubt anyone else is.
lol
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#13:
Ginose
- added 06/29/2009, 08:57 PM
lol
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#14:
Crispy
- added 06/29/2009, 08:59 PM
Ah, there it is. The claim that all we do is
"hide behind the internet to throw
insults." Completely disregarding the fact
that you were the one who got signed on to
"some shit site" in the first place
calling someone who disagreed with you a fag. Even
going so far as checking my profile trying to find
something to insult me on. It's hilarious.
And since you wanted to go this route, I
skated through high school with straight A's and
earned a spot on the National Deans' List in
college. Also, I've nailed my fair share of women
over the years.
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#15:
Nirrad
- added 06/29/2009, 09:34 PM
I taped 385 fucking Tristan's mom, so he is
telling the truth!
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#16:
steveoutr
- added 06/29/2009, 10:39 PM
This is entertaining keep going!
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#17:
solidsnake_2
- added 06/30/2009, 11:16 AM
look i could not care least if u fucked nirrads
mom or dad, whatever floats ur boat, since milf
these days do have lower demands, i mean. i' m not
interested in ur fantasy, and yes i did look at ur
pic, cus i wanted to kno how u look, and i didn,t
expect much, so its safe to know u jus so full of
urself, and as for ur straight A's. i can blag
about how well i done in life and the amount of
woman i been with, but to be honest, it dnt prove
nothing and nor do i give a shit. i glad u find it
hilarious, since i am laughin the fact u took ur
time to reply still, jus goes to show how mature u
are, if i were 13 i think u would be around 12, in
terms of mental age.
i originally
come to this site for the movie review, so i kno
wat to get next, but unfortunately all i get is
sum retard online, saying how bad a movie is with
no decent explanation, i am ready to give this
shit up, but sumhow ur funny insult still kept me
comin.
u no idea how i look, i mite
even post a pic up, once i do i bet u throw me a
range of racist abuse. lol
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#18:
solidsnake_2
- added 06/30/2009, 11:28 AM
anyway after giving sum thoughts, i think i quit
this site, i cant believe i am wasting time,
arguing with u little monkees, eitherway it has
been fun, i mean u guys didn,t quite put up the
argument, which i expected, but i give u credit
for trying and pls, dnt think too hard to insult
me, cus u jus making urself look bad, after all u
guys are regulars in here, while me on the
otherhand got things to do, u can think i give up,
run away or whatever, but jus so u know, i am a
bigger man then u in every aspect, both in age and
physique, maybe i will see u around, and when i do
i let u know whos the real daddy,
ps. i jus cant stop thinking how ugly u look but
u claim that u had ur fair share of woman, i jus
realise its not hard to buy a woman these days, so
i let u win in that statement, but based on this
review i read, i dnt agree u got straight A's
since i u do sound like the stereotype white geek
online, who like to debate on pointless things, if
u got time, go and find a real job, maybe
supermarket will do u good, meet sum people, make
sum real friends, get laid with real woman, with
out payin, then i mite, jus mite respect u a bit,
but still ur pic won,t do u justice, since i still
cant get over how u look. if only u knew how i
look but i dnt need to proof anything, since u
still way younger than me, anyway its been fun and
guess this is good bye.
oh if anyone
plan to throw insult at me, or complain about my
grammar, i dnt give a fuck, and u all can suck my
big black cock for all i care.
safe
and peace out.
jamal
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#19:
Lucid Dreams
- added 06/30/2009, 06:04 PM
hahah Nirrad i dnt bother wasting time correcting
my grammar on sum shit site, and of all fairness i
more than likely to have better result than u in
school
hahahahah
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#20:
Greg Follender
- added 06/30/2009, 08:08 PM
My God... how the Hell did this ever happen?
Pretty damned funny though... but it
seems a bit too easy for the likes of 385...
I feel a bit left out though...
Why do i
always have to trade punches with Bluemeanie
instead of this ill-bred runt?
Note
to solidsnake: If you'd like to be taken
seriously, you'd be much better served by learning
to spell and properly capitalize your sentences.
Really, man... people might actually bother to
finish reading your posts if they were at least
partly legible instead of simply dismissing them
as an infantile rant. Just a thought... oh... and
try occasionally using a period in your paragraphs
to break them up a bit, dunce! It makes your
claim to have "better result" in school
seem a bit hollow and silly;)
By the
way,... way to take the high road, BuryMeAlive.
Very nice;)
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#21:
Strait Killa
- added 07/02/2009, 02:40 PM
Hilarious. If only I could've made it through all
of his posts without my head starting to hurt
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#22:
Roybot
- added 07/18/2009, 05:09 PM
solidsnake_2 If there was ever a building that
stood for gramatical integrity your previous
messages would be the plane that crashed into it.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out
why everyone here thinks you are 13 years old.
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#23:
Rik
- added 07/23/2009, 11:07 AM
This movie felt a lot like Spider-Man 3. Too much
shit going on in too little time.
And
it's a little worse.
**Spoiler**
Prime Heaven
**/Spoiler**
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#25:
Rest Easy Soul
- added 12/22/2009, 03:22 PM
This movie was terrible. I don't wanna type up my
reasons why because A) it's already been said and
B) I'm sure you guys have already heard it.
Doesn't live up to the first, and doesn't
even deserve the Transformers name. Way to ruin
one of my nostalgic franchises Bay.
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